#HOW IN THE FREAKING WORLD AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE
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nemo-of-house-hamartia · 1 year ago
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This game is literally *killing* me
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st7rnioioss · 1 year ago
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✧ ゚୨ৎ* the elevator game
𝐩��𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: matt sturniolo x reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: matt calms you down while you're both filming with sam and colby at a haunted hotel
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: fluff, kissing, swearing, mentions of ghost and paranormal stuff like that
a/n: hi lovelies💕 CAN WE TALK AB MATT IN SAM AND COLBYS NEW VIDEO, HELLO?? took inspo from that to write this😇😇. anyways, it’s currently 1:58am and i am BORED. still sick as fuck😪 ILY ALL SM🤍
───────── 🐇
“I’ll go with Matt,” you say, throwing a hand up.
“Oh, let’s go!” Sam and Colby exclaims in unison, dragging out the o’s, making you smile shyly.
“Okay, now calm down. Let’s go Matt,” you say calmly, pushing Matt inside the elevator.
You and Matt were going to different floors in the hotel, the one before the last, supposedly being the one where a “ghost/spirit lady” should step in and join you guys. Matt was going to do it alone, but you decided to join him.
“Guys please don’t make out on camera,” Nick shrugs, making everyone laugh.
“Yeah yeah, whatever Nick,” Matt rolls his eyes at him, waving bye as the elevator slowly shuts.
“Goodbye everyone! Please remember me if I pass!” you wave with a giggle.
“Say the thing, Matt,” Sam added quickly before the doors shut.
“Please take me to another world. I may regret saying that, but hey. See you guys later!” Matt said as the elevator shut fully, smiling at you. He watched you tap on the button “4”, the first floor you were going to.
“Alright guys, first floor is the 4th one. You nervous?” he asked, a smile playing on his lips.
“Yeah. A bit, this is not like anything I’ve ever done before,” you chuckled nervously. Matt then reached a hand out to hold yours.
“It’ll be fine, I promise you,” he smiled as he turned the camera to show you push “2”, slowly intertwining his fingers with yours.
“Fuck, it scares me that the elevator door chooses a pace to go. Like, sometimes it’s fast, sometimes it’s slow,” he smiled as the door closed from the second floor.
“Yeah me too, it freaks me the fuck out,” you laughed.
“Okay, sixth floor now!” you added, pressing the button in front of you.
As you guys reached the 5th floor where a “lady” was supposed to walk in, Matt felt you tense up a bit. He reached out for you to wrap an arm around your shoulder, hitting the “1” button.
“You’ll be fine, okay? I’m right here,” he whispered for only you to hear, reassuringly rubbing your shoulder. You just shot him a quick smile as you felt the elevator slowly drop.
“Okay so, that thing has not been going off this entire time,” Matt said, pointing the camera to the device on the floor of the elevator.
“I’m literally shaking, this elevator is freaking me out,” you laughed nervously, referring to the loud creaking from the old lift. Matt looked down at you to press a kiss to the top of your head while giggled.
“We’ll be fine, don’t worry,”
The elevator finally reached the first floor where the rest of the group were, Matt dropping his arm from your shoulder to hold your hand instead.
“That’s all!” he smiled, pulling you out of the elevator.
“How was it? Did that thing go off?” Nick asked excitedly. You turned to look Matt for a second, before turning back to the group.
“No, not really. And we didn’t smell any flowers or roses either. But the elevator itself is scary as fuck,” you laughed, everyone joining you.
“Alright, we’re heading to the stinky room 525, to do the estes method!” Colby declared, turning back to face the elevator. He took the camera from Matt, who then handed it to Sam.
“You alright?” Matt whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek, following the others into the elevator.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks,” you smiled at him, pulling his hand up to kiss it. He giggled in response, Chris and Nick rolling their eyes at you both.
“I really do not hope you guys just made out in this elevator. On camera, for FIFTEEN minutes straight,” Chris laughed, earning a chuckled from the rest of you.
“Chill out dude, we didn’t. But, oh trust me, I tried to behave, I was holding back,” Matt teased, poking your cheek making you blush like crazy. This made him smile, pressing a gently kiss to your forehead.
“You guys should be glad we aren’t recording,” Nick laughed loudly, talking to Sam and Colby, who were both laughing.
a/n: kinda rushed if you couldn’t tell🤡
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venusinthesun · 4 months ago
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“And You Know I Don’t Mean To Hurt You”
Yandere Cantarella x reader
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Cw: poisoning, yandere, scared reader, mostly gn terms
First longer-ish fic I’ve written, sorry if it’s not thought out well. Honestly I was just running on how horny I am for this woman. Reader in this is drugged, so that’s why they don’t freak out when told they’ve been poisoned. I know me and all five Cantarella fans cheered for this.
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You really shouldn’t be doing this.
Sitting across from cantarella at the table, watching as she sips her tea politely is when that realization truly sets in. The first thing that you brain thinks about is that you have now betrayed the Montelli family, breaking your oath just from being here. That thought alone is enough to make your blood run cold—the Montelli’s are kind, but not endlessly so. To let you go after this would be foolish, so if you were found after this meeting, you would surely be…swiftly handled.
The second is that, you don’t know if you’re even going to make it out of this house alive. Your eyes flicker down to the tea in your cup, watching as the liquid swirls around in hues of purple and blue. There isn’t much liquid left, most of it already drunk by you and all your naivety. You can only mentally curse yourself, accepting tea from The Dame so easily. Your unsure if your heart pounding in your chest is your own nerves or whatever poison she has decided is fit for you, if you will perish like some of the members of your family are thought too.
“Do not like the tea? I made sure to use my better blends for today.”
For such a smooth voice, it has a way of sending a shiver down your spine. Despite yourself, you straighten your back, facing her with dignity you’re not sure you have. “It was wonderful, the Fisalia family always supplies the best in Rinascita.” You try your best to keep your tone calm, sanded down as to not offend your host.
“Ah, that always pleases me to hear,” Cantarella smiles, painted lips pulled thin as she places her teacup down with a clink. “I supposed I should deliver some pleasing news to you as well. Your drink is not lethally poisoned.”
You didn’t bother with a response this time around, the only indication is a slight hitch in your breath.
“Now of course I know that raises questions in your mind, my dear. Yes, not lethally. I handpicked the flowers and herbs in my garden that wouldn’t result in your untimely demise.” Cantarella’s relaxed tone is horrifying as she speaks to you, acting like it’s the most common thing in the world. You still don’t offer a response to her, your mouth feeling suddenly dry.
“Well? Are you going to respond?”
“…why..? Is there a reason you…poisoned me?”
You don’t even notice when she makes her way over to your side of the table, her fingers grasping your chin to pull it up towards her. She’s gentle, that you notice. Her nails are long, and extremely sharp—but her grip is gentle, soothing almost.
“You’re a Montelli, and while you did go behind your beloved family’s backs to meet with me today, you’re still not very trustworthy. I can’t afford to have you scurrying off, leaving me before I get every last piece of information out of you. This poison just allows me to just that.”
She takes a moment, to let her eyes study you. Her gaze, like everything else about her, is its own unique form of terrifying. Looking into her gaze is like staring into the ocean, forever blue and endless but also powerful. Powerful enough to leave you dead on the spot, right here if she so chooses.
“But I won’t die..?” You try to not focus on the way your hands shake as you ask her that question, trying your best to keep your gaze strong in the face of her own.
“Of course not, my dear,” Cantarella pulls you up from your seat, her hand wrapping itself around you waist to tug you towards her. You never realized how numb your legs were, how hard it is to stand until the only thing stopping you from falling is her. “You far more useful when you’re alive, jellyfish.”
“Jellyfish..?”
You watch her smile widen, but only by a twinge. “Yes, jellyfish. They are such delicate creatures, floating endlessly with no direction…much like you,” she seems to pull you impossibly closer, your chest pressed against hers. You can’t stop yourself from leaning into it, the tiredness setting in quickly. “But that lack of direction can be changed.”
Every nerve wants to shove her away, to scramble back outside the door of this wretched house, but your limbs feel like lead. Your whole body feels exhausted now, the adrenaline in your blood finally slowing down after being overworked for hours at this point.
“You can do great work here, where you will be appreciated for your skills.” You don’t resist much as she leans down, her lips whispering into your ear like a sirens call. “Your new direction will be for the family…for me.”
Barely clinging to consciousness, you can only observe as she leans back, watching your form slump even deeper.
“Sleep now, jellyfish. I’ve had my eye on you for a while, so don’t disappoint.”
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he-calls-me-kitten · 1 year ago
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Sugar, Spice and a Tempting Vice (1)
VA! MC x OM! Characters
TW: Eh it's more fluffy than smutty I'd say, but minors DNI. Loads of random lore for the sake of immersion. Now to brainstorm the rest of the characters.
INTRO
Tagging: @romaissa @eliciana @your-favorite-god @april-notthemonth69 @ikevampharem @k8tznd8wgz @futureittomain @m-majoko @the-auguer @yurinayumi @i-am-empress-irish @deepazur @rippedbutnotamasterpiece @pomegranateboba @ra1ns70rm @anjodedesgostoeerros @sammywo @annoyingbiscuitathleteland-blog @ourfinalisation @creativecupcake @snowthatareblack @angelofbooksworld
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"After a freak accident, you and a group of 5 people get teleported into a fantastical world together. Who will you team up with to try and leave this place? Or will they convince you to stay and have a new life with them here instead? Or will you stumble across the biggest secret that this new world holds...?"
You read out the summary for them at a group dinner at Diavolo's castle. Apparently, it was to celebrate your debut as a VA. They all clapped and bombarded you with questions. You tried to answer as many as you could without any spoilers.
They were supposed to have already started playing the game but the game servers got a little overwhelmed and had to go under maintenance with so many people downloading and making accounts at the same time. So Diavolo hosted this party instead.
"So how many endings can you get with a single character?" Simeon inquired.
"Well on an average there's around 12 endings per character, but there's a varying number of endings depending on the character you choose. I'm not sure I remember for all of them-"
"We just want to know yours." Belphie smirked.
"Oi come on, it makes it sound like you're all just going to play my character, don't do that! The other characters are also incredibly well written!"
The sheepish grins and side glances told you that they were clearly going ignore your last advice.
"Honestly you guys, one of the characters here has a teleportation ability, one can read minds, and another one has insane fighting skills - the only thing you know about my character is that I don't have a name!"
"Omg this means they are definitely building you upto to have the most OP ability of them all!" Levi exclaimed excitedly.
"Oh yes that's usually how it goes in these tropes. The most unassuming character ends up giving you the secret ending." Solomon nodded in agreement.
"Both of you, shush! Just play the game normally okay?! You will get to interact with all the characters anyway until the second phase." You reprimanded, sighing, knowing no one would listen anyway.
Lucifer - Saved by the Belle
"Before Tyla takes us home tomorrow, would you like to spend your last day here with me, Lucifer?"
Lucifer and you worked with loyalty and rigor under Tyla, an old world Sorceror. It was because of you two specifically that Tyla's magic was powerful enough to create a portal back home. Your character was so much like you - it felt like he completed this whole journey of freedom with you, and not just an image on screen.
> "Of course, MC. In fact...I would like to spend the night with you too."
MC blushed on screen, looking away and nodding. "Oh? Well then... I'll look forward to it."
He enjoys this way more than he thought he would. He visits for the last time, all the places you both had been together. The first tavern, the first forest path, the first temporary abode - the HumbleBee Inn.
> "It's late. Should we go back here again, for old times sake?"
"Why not? Maybe they'll accidentally put us in the same room again and get overbooked so we have no other choice. Maybe this time it'll be a bit more...eventful." You said with a sly and knowing smile as you skipped ahead.
Lucifer's knee jerked upwards, hitting the table. Just what kind of lines are these? And what are those expressions? Who else was in there listening to you when you recorded this? The way your voice sounded, Lucifer was convinced you were thinking about someone special. If only you saw the effect you were having on him.
> "I've been holding back all day. Forgive me if I'm too rough."
Lucifer pushes you against the wall, caging your body. You blush in the dark, your arms wrapping around his shoulders. It was driving him insane. He could feel his pants getting tighter at the crotch.
Last time he endured the sexual tension of sharing the bed with you, constantly trying avoid your body even though he was desperate to feel it's warmth. This time there wasn't any reason to deprive himself.
"It's okay...I can take it. Please don't hold back..."
Oh hell, you were about to be the death of him. These...are these really the sounds you'd make in bed? Godamnit you are ruining his mind. He can't relax until he's jerked off now. And it's all your fault.
The next couple days, you notice Lucifer hesitates to keep eye contact with you. In fact, he has a rather visceral reaction every time you simply call his name, standing at his door. Only he knows how badly he wants to pull you into his bed to ravage you - practice your lines with him, why don't you?
Mammon - Stranded Together
"Guess they didn't want either of us huh, Mammon?"
Nah Mammon was mad at this ending. He gets why the group left him behind - he made too many questionable choices like stealing the last reserves of food or money (so you never went hungry), running away from the monsters instead of staying and fighting with the group(with you ofc so you wouldn't be in any danger), finding new shelter and not telling anyone (except you).
> "I'm so sorry...it's because of me that they left you too. You did nothing wrong yet...no this will not stand! I'll go threaten them into taking you too!"
"Mammon wait- no don't! Alright fine I was lying! They didn't leave me...I chose not to go!"
Mammon was stunned. He stared at your character blushing and looking elsewhere while holding onto his arm. His heart beat just a little bit faster.
> "Wait...what? But you wanted to...don't you want to go back and keep looking for your family?!"
"Who knows if the family I was looking for even exists?! But you...you are real. And you are so kind to me, and so great. So..."
Your character moved in closer and closer to him. Mammon leaned back too far from the screen, falling backwards on the floor. He was not ready for what was about to come.
"If I really want a family that bad...I can just make one here...with you. But only if you wanted that too ..."
> "I do! Of course I do! We can both find work and home in the kingdom now that big monsters are all dead! I'll be yours and you'll be mine!"
Mammon pressed it on instinct, not knowing his character was gonna grab yours and pin them to the ground. His face burnt up in excitement seeing you all cornered like this. You blushed and whispered as you leaned in to kiss him.
"Hehe...Mammon...I'm all yours already. But there's others ways you can claim me if you like..."
Your sleeves fell loose, and off your shoulders and his hands began to wander. Mammon almost screamed the house down, grabbing at his sheets, humping his pillows, struggling to look away from the screen. But he couldn't stop.
How the fuck was he supposed to face you tomorrow at the breakfast table?! Yet, Mammon re-played that part at least 30 times. And now every time you whispered to him in class, Mammon had to grip his knees and stop himself from imagining the unholiest things.
Leviathan - Power of Friend-ship??
"We did it! We actually did it, Levi! Can you believe it?! Look even the people are cheering for us!"
Levi punched the air in glee, he definitely must have gotten the best ending right?! That was such an intense combat scene - he almost cried when he thought you got swallowed by the Giant of The Depths, then he watched you burst out of its stomach with all the other victims while he slashed through its neck. You and him - the two underdogs dealt the final blow. At this point, every other character was shipping you two together.
> "Let's go Army of the Third Lord!"
MC cheered and high fived him from the screen, while the rest of the group danced in celebration! Ah MC had already become one of his favourite characters of all time. He had already preordered the action figures, posters and a body pillow (yes the ecchi one).
"Come on Levi, won't you join the celebration feast!? Everyone is calling for you!"
Oh no this was Levi's nightmare. Loud and crowded parties - but it was you asking him to go, what if he missed out on an important secret ending. Just to be safe he chose a neutral option to see what you would prefer.
> ... I'm not too sure.
"Then...would you like to celebrate in private with me? I know a quiet place with a good view."
Levi almost fell out of his seat. It's happening. This is where he unlocks the hidden erotic ending. The blush on your face, the way you held out your hand for him to take - biting down on his knuckles in excitement.
> I'd really prefer that! Thank you!
You smile and nod, leading him by the hand to a nearby pond. The moonlight shimmered on the water, the reflections dancing on your skin as you both lay down next to each other. Levi could feel himself falling for you all over again.
"Look Levi, in the pond! The Gloriees are back! Aren't they beautiful?"
Levi looked at the pond in awe, glowing orange fishes swam around in the waters, jumping in and out. He watched the fishes swim around the hand you put in the water. It was like you and hundred Henries in the water.
> "So beautiful..."
"They are my absolute favorite....they have the same color as your eyes..."
Your hands reach up to touch his face, pulling him closer and Levi feels all his self restraint jump out the window. He tried to grab and kiss you but ended falling in the water with you instead.
"Oh? I didn't know I excite you so much... don't worry, it makes me really happy..."
You rose from the water, laughing and coughing slightly, your entire body now laid bare through the transparent white cloth. And if that wasn't already bad enough, he heard your moans as his character started going at it with you in the lake. You were so professional, so skilled at it...he thought he was prepared for it but he clearly wasn't.
Levi couldn't resist jerking himself off there and then, soiling his computer screen with light ropes of his cum. Now every time you announced you were going to shower, this image just popped into his mind, giving him instant boners at the most unfortunate times. And god forbid he sees you walk out of the shower with your hair wet - he'll have to rush to his room to hide that he's creamed his pants.
Satan - Bridge to Televithyia
"Satan, I will be waiting for you always. I know if fate wills it, I'll definitely get to see you again."
Satan cursed himself for this ending, almost chucking his phone at the wall. His magical powers no longer worked since the portal now connected him to his own world. And while you could use all your magic here, it would lose all power in his world. With both worlds needing help after a long and destructive battle, you both knew it was selfish to abandon your either of them - especially since you two were the only Great Guardians left.
> "I will find a permanent path between our worlds. I swear upon my life, MC."
Damnit this game had better not cut his story short. He was willing to keep going, trying to fix the playthrough so he could make a good ending out of this. Just you wait MC, he's not letting you go. A part of him wanted to go into your room and hug you, just to make sure you're there atleast in real life.
Satan rubbed furiously at his eyes as you waved him goodbye. His total playtime could rival Levi's. After gathering enough resources and magical knowledge - he could finally get started on creating the bridge. But to his pleasant surprise, he only needed to build half of the bridge, because there you were standing on the other - building your own path towards him too.
"Satan...is this a dream? Are you really back? Or is this another magical illusion again...?"
Satan blushed as you rushed to hug him peppering kisses all over his face. He had to physically get away from the game, walk around, and silently scream into his hands before he could calm himself down. Because he knew even better things were yet to come.
> "It's really me, MC. I'm sorry did I make you wait too long? I missed you so terribly...I have so many things to tell you about..."
"Come with me, we've been rebuilding our town. I know a place we can catch up...it's a special place I helped build with you in mind."
Satan follows you, your arms intertwined. You point out places to him - old renovations and newer projects. You tell him about everything that's been happening since he left.
How some endangered species came back to life, how the remaining smaller beasts were tamed and how the cursed were given peace. You stopped suddenly in front of a quaint little cottage.
"Welcome to my humble abode. I'm sorry I didn't prepare a separate room for you...because I thought you wouldn't mind sharing a bed with me..."
He blushes and grips your hand as you open the door to your room. He sees pictures of both of you on the wall and next to the bed.
> "You already built a home...with me in mind. *Smiles* Yet...the bed looks in it hasn't been slept in for a while? Did you get no sleep for the past few days?"
"Actually I haven't slept in the bed yet. I sleep on the sofa - I know it's silly but I really don't like sleeping alone in a place of two..."
Satan grips the phone tighter, as he makes his character push you on the bed. How sweet - you both get to enjoy it together for the first time. He climbs after you, trapping you underneath him.
> "Good thing I'm here now, MC."
He cups your face and trails his hands downwards, undoing some buttons on your clothes. You kiss his palms and tug down his collar.
"It's a pity though...I don't think we'll be using the bed for sleeping tonight afterall..."
He watched the screen, slack-jawed as I heard your sultry voice echoing through his room. He fell back on his pillow, hurriedly attaching his earphones. It proved to be more lethal. He could almost imagine you in his bed right now, kissing your way down his chest, while he fondles your bottom.
When you approached him later asking if he liked your work in the game, he had to cover half his face to hide the redness. He couldn't possibly tell you that he had downloaded snippets of all your moans and saved them to a secret folder. Or that he listened to them quite frequently.
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literaila · 1 year ago
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In keeping secrets we see reader worried that sorcery would rid megumi of a normal life but what if we got megumi assuring reader that he wanted to choose this life and that she didn’t have to worry or something along those lines 😭
“we still don’t have to do this. there are plenty of high schools—“
“can you just drop it?”
you look over to megumi, trying to smile. as if he’s not going to see right through that. as if he hasn’t known you since you were practically his age, and as if you don’t actively discourage lying any chance you get.
it’s different for adults, okay?
“i’m serious, megumi.”
he raises a brow. you can tell he’s at least a little bit amused—if only because you’ve seen the same glint in his eyes when he hides satoru’s blindfolds around the house. “so am i.”
your face is pained. “you don’t have to listen to satoru. or tsumiki. or me, even.”
“when have i ever?”
you nudge him with your arm, trying to relax every tense muscle in your body.
is it just pure instinct to protect him from this? or are you actually scared, worried that megumi wouldn’t argue with satoru, isn’t comfortable enough to tell you that—
“can you stop freaking out about this?”
“do i look like i’m freaking out?”
megumi stares at you blankly.
“okay,” you look back down to the paperwork in front of you. you wonder if this is how satoru feels anytime he says anything to the kid. you should probably be nicer to him. “maybe i’m freaking out. but it’s only because dad was supposed to do this with you.”
megumi looks briefly horrified.
“take me or leave me, kid.”
he shakes his head. “you’re better than that bonehead.”
you sigh, rubbing your eyes. “okay, you really gotta get over the movie thing—“
“no i don’t—“
“it was an accident.”
megumi crosses his arms. “why are you defending him? he ruined the entire series for me.”
you roll your eyes. “you think by now you’d know not to talk to him about movies.”
“you think by now he’d know not to spoil the entire thing,” megumi mocks.
you snort.
“why are you so… weird about this anyway? you went there. so did gojo.”
“and look how he turned out.”
megumi gives you a grin—meaning his cheek twitches and he blinks at you.
“it’s just… you really don’t have to go. i know satoru goes on and on about taking responsibility, and acknowledging strength. and i know that tsumiki thinks you should do whatever you can to help people but—“ you stop. bite your cheek. “you don’t have to go, megumi. you can be a normal person. become a doctor or something.”
“i can barely deal with my classmates,” he says, “why would i want to interact with sick people on a daily basis?”
you scoff. “first of all, it was a hypothetical.”
“that’s a terrible suggestion.”
you tilt your head at him. “you’re smart,” you say, “you’re kind. you’re handsome—“ you reach a hand out to pinch his cheek, but he grabs it—like an instinct.
but you take what you can get, so you squeeze it, smiling at him—but really this time.
because he’s so much more than you could’ve asked for.
tsumiki and megumi are your good luck charms, if anything. a sign for your younger self that everything would be okay.
they’re so much more than teenagers should be, so much more than satoru or you deserve.
but you’re not going to complain. the world is shit, and the gifts you’ve been given will never leave your grasp.
still…
“you could do whatever you want with your life, megs. anything. it doesn’t have to be jujutsu.”
“this is what i want to do.”
you let go of his hand, looking back down. “are you sure?”
megumi makes a noise, crossing his arms. “why don’t you trust me?”
“it’s got nothing to do with you,” you retort, sitting up. “but you grew up with satoru telling you who you’re supposed to be—“
“i have never listened to anything he’s told me—“
“so if you decide this isn’t you, that’s okay. i need you to know that it’s okay to do whatever you want. it’s not selfish, or irresponsible. it’s human.”
there’s a moment of silence.
you stare down at the table and wonder how many times you had to repeat those words—just to believe them.
you wonder how many years it took before you decided to act however you saw fit, and not bend to the wills of fate.
what will happen to megumi, whatever he chooses?
how are you supposed to protect him from the future?
“mom,” he says, breaking the silence. not a question.
“hmm?”
you’re tapping your fingers on the table, not looking at him.
god, satoru should’ve filled out the paperwork with him. he wouldn’t have scared the kid into changing his mind. he wouldn’t have even said anything.
“i want to do this,” megumi whispers to you. “i—there was never any question for me. i’ve never wanted to do anything else.”
you look at him. he’s staring back—his eyes so stern and mature, it almost makes you want to cry.
all you can do is nod. there’s no way to voice your fears to a fourteen year old, no way to make him understand.
but that’s okay. that’s why you have satoru.
“and you don’t need to worry about me. worry about gojo, or something, instead.”
you laugh. “i do worry about dad, and you, and tsumiki. all of the time. i can’t stop now.”
“well, try.”
you shake your head, messing with his hair. “nuh-uh. you’re my little boy. i’ll always be worried about you.”
megumi makes a face, and you laugh again.
“okay,” you take a breath. “let’s finish these papers. hopefully satoru and tsumiki will be back by then.”
“did they—“
it’s then that the front door opens, satoru’s signature slam ringing down the hallway.
“speak of the devil,” you whisper. megumi just sighs.
“oh goodness,” satoru says, as he walks down the hall. “my son and my wife, sitting at the same table. isn’t that funny?”
“we’re busy, satoru.”
satoru pouts at you, setting a bag on the table. “but we brought dinner,” he says, “and presents.”
“where’s tsumiki?” megumi asks.
“she’s getting the—“
and then tsumiki rounds the corner, holding at least five different shopping bags.
“satoru!” you hit his arm. “go help her.”
“what? she’s fine. woman are strong, you know? don’t underestimate their strength.”
tsumiki laughs, setting the bags down on a chair.
“you’re gonna learn just how strong a woman is when i—“
“what are you guys doing? homework?”
you glare at him. “we’re filling out the papers yaga gave us. the ones you were supposed to do a week ago.”
he grins at you, leaning down to leave a loud kiss on your cheek. then he pulls you so your face is pressed against his thigh. “has she cried yet?” he asks megumi.
“we’re getting there.”
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drdemonprince · 6 months ago
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I think think about your piece How to Go Places Alone And Not Feel Like A Freak Looser (or something to that affect) quite often.
While it is uncomfortable, tiring, nerve wracking, to feel like or be the odd one out, I am at least used to the feeling. It takes nerve but (especially as a kid/teen) have always gone to things alone and, once I get over myself, enjoy not caring what anyone thinks about my presence.
As an (ever transsexualizing >:) adult, I am getting back into doing & dressing however I want in public (embarrassing yourself is inevitable, might as well enjoy life!). This is a funner, freer, outlook, but I hoped being more myself would help me find my people.
I’m used to the awful feeling of being an alien freak looser (real or imagined) so I can hype myself up to be in my own world when I’m out. But I wonder if doing this, and choosing events based on interest instead of demographics or friendship, reinforces my felling of disconnect with people. It’s easier to accept, and dress like, I’ll always stick out (be alone) than it is to imagine mimicking those around me.
I went to an explicitly cruisey new years night and instead of studying the crowd intensely trying to fit in, wore my shiny platforms, smiled at people, and danced just for the fun of it. Feeling good about myself and enjoying my experience requires an ‘eh fuck ‘em’ attitude. I can enjoy being in public seeing all my fellow earthlings but it does not feel social. And I realize, my time there felt anything but sexy. I wasn’t about to walz into the darkroom (let’s walk before we run), but I hate that I couldn’t feel comfortable in this place I’ve always wanted to be.
I return to the same questions everywhere I go: I can exist, but how am I supposed to learn the codes of a space when I can’t study (ruminate) from afar?
How could I ever be social when (even joyous and embodied) I can’t get out of my own head?
How do you know when it’s time to listen to your gut and when to play into a social game?
I understand what you mean about the duality between doing your own thing in your own little alien bubble and actively placing effort into connecting with the people around you (which often feels like it requires masking).
But, from my perspective, both of those are strategies for dealing with social overwhelm -- one is more dissociative, and the other's more compensatory. Both of them reflect a discomfort with the people in the space. And they're both perfectly reasonable ways to deal with such feelings! But the way to move forward, at least in my experience, is to continue attending events until you attain enough familiarity with them that you actually start feeling more comfortable.
You said you didn't feel sexy at this cruisy party, and certainly weren't ready to venture into the dark room. That's fine! You can work your way up in whatever order of activities is least intimidating to most intimidating to you.
The first few times that I go to a club, I need anywhere from a few minutes to an hour to get warmed up enough to really dance on the floor and take up a ton of space and make weird gestures. I spend a lot of time lurking in the corner or reading a book at the bar at first. After I've been there a number of times, I know the deal of the space better, recognize a few people, maybe have developed a rapport with the door guy or a regular, and it gets easier to branch out and feel more at ease in my skin. People intuit this and approach me more often when I'm feeling more comfortable, and my reactions have fewer exit ramps built into them (one of my protective instincts is to throw out a lot of conversation-enders that make people feel rejected, lmaoo good one me).
The same general principles I've described here can apply to any new social challenge, including a bar with a backroom where people are fucking. Show up again. Do your thing. Maybe find a spot to post up and observe, since you mentioned an interest in doing that. Bring a book or some knitting if you want, and wear whatever outfit helps you feel comfortable and good with yourself. The first few times you do all this, people may get strong "I'm Doing My Own Thing Leave Me Alone" vibes from you, as they often do from Autistics, and that's fine. You're still learning and acclimating from being there. After a couple of tries, head into that back room. It's not as exciting as you think it's gonna be. You might get to watch some fucking or you might just see a bunch of guys pacing around who are just as awkward as you feel that you are. But then you'll know what it's like. And then you just keep showing up, and observing and participating in small ways (watching is participation in a sex club!), and you'll get steadily more involved in the space and connected to the people each time that you do.
I've been going to pet patrol nights for a long time and I've only just now gotten to the point where I can chat up random people and get into hookups relatively easily, instead of just standing around mutely hoping someone will approach me. Bringing friends has helped a ton to relax me and make me seem more approachable to others, too, so you could try that!
for anyone wondering here's the full piece
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augustheart · 2 months ago
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i think that the leverage character most equipped to handle a quantum leap situation would of course be sophie. she would figure out the problem she was supposed to be there to solve faster than the computer possibly could, although whether she chooses to solve the problem or not is at her own discretion (for argument's sake let's say she operates on rules more following the evil leapers, so being trapped in the past without fulfilling her objective is less of an issue). nate would be her hologram and she wouldn't listen to a damn thing he said.
after her i strongly believe hardison would actually do really well since he's so good at yes-anding. yeah, if he ends up decently far back in the past he's going to complain about old technology, but he's still somehow going to completely pull it off. parker is his hologram and she doesn't give him useful advice despite knowing a lot but he likes being able to show her how competent he is. because he can pick up skills so quickly he's able to adapt to most leaps in record time.
eliot would love being in a quantum leap situation. he loves getting to take the universe's orders and save people. infinite redemption machine that grinds him up and spits him out, his favorite. however hardison would be his hologram and he would be so mad. he's still not as good as sophie or even hardison though.
nate thinks he would do really well but he would start absolutely losing it because it's a situation that is Completely out of his control and he can't handle that. sophie is his hologram and he does something to unintentionally erase her from existence at some point and sterling ends up being it instead (a la a leap for lisa) and THAT would make nate go absolutely off his rocker. he would also use leaping to yell at god literally every episode. he keeps ending up in timelines where he has to save someone's son and it destroys his psyche.
parker would love like the first three leaps where she has to land a plane, stop a car crash by blowing something up, etc but the second there's an emotional problem she freaks the fuck out. hardison is also her hologram but he has a hard time helping her with the emotional stuff just because it scares her to have it around him on top of everything else. in one of her later leaps, when she finally feels secure, she has the opportunity to save her brother and it puts her in a tailspin. she succeeds though :)
breanna is somehow the most like sam? parker is her hologram and she helps talk her through the more technical stuff, but she's really good at the emotional side and (like hardison) her ability to pick up certain skills fast gives her an edge. she believes firmly the world can change because she Has to hang onto that belief, and the small-scale nature of a lot of her leaps can really get her down. she wants to be doing More. but! the small stuff helps people! and like sam she is always having side character romances. i am always saying that breanna would date a psychic.
harry is honestly really bad at being a leaper but he Is down for anything. he's good enough at the practical stuff--put him on the stand to save a man from being wrongfully executed and he will pour his heart into the leap--but the second he has to stop someone from divorcing he starts throwing up. however if the leap is something like bringing rock and roll back to a small town? he is all over that shit. sophie is obviously his hologram. she keeps telling him al-style stories about her ex husbands who are all made up.
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sungjinhos · 2 years ago
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WESTERN WIND
Vernon is on the verge of freaking out - Vernon is chill, Vernon is calm, but everyone has a limit, and Vernon's limit is when he complains 3 consecutive weeks about his front wing and the engineering team doesn't do a thing about it.
✦ genre: F1 Alternative Universe, almost enemiers to lovers (but really just have a fight in the workplace now we are weird), smut, they do it without protection so - be safe guys love you.
✦ word count: 8.9k+ ✦ title inspired by Carly Rae Jepsen - Western wind
✦ Thea note: okay, this was a challenge!! This was written for a friend who enjoys the f1 world and isn't a carat - but we are working on it. I write for me and I write what i like to read and to me, Vernon screams lazy sex so that's that - that's really nothing more on this subject. reminder 1: i am not an english speaker so i am very sorry about any mistake but you don't need to be a bitch about it. Also, I may try to write every member but gooooood some are harder than others, and vernon was hard for me so i am sorry if the characterization is weird or when you are reading this you think shit this is not Vernon lol I reached a point where i was like yeah i'm giving up.
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Vernon has always been obsessed with the idea of flying. 
Not taking an airplane-flying, but actually flying. The closest he got to this was behind a steering wheel. And he got so obsessed with the feeling - first the wind against his face, then the whiplash of going too fast.  He loved it so much that he just made a career out of it. 
And Vernon was good at it, one of the best really, first drive in his new team and all. But it is the seventh grand prix and the car still lacking and there is so much he can do with pure strength and strategy. 
He can't fight aerodynamics. He can't, and to be honest, he shouldn't do what the engineering team was supposed to. But he is one step away from getting out of the car and breaking the damn front wing with his bare hand in the middle of the box. Vernon, a lot of people don't know, but he has this kind of superpower when he gets incredibly mad his face is still calm, and nobody knows he is on the verge of freaking out.
But Vernon just handles the steering wheel to the guy next to the car and jumps off it without making a scene. On a scale of Fernando Alonso to Kimi Raikkonen Vernon leans more to Kimi's side, even though right now he may pull off a Nico Rosberg or psychological warfare like Michael Schumacher against the engineering team, he is not above it today. 
He is no Kimi Raikkone though. Vernon does prefer just being in the car. He enjoys being on the circuit running laps. He is chill with being on the go, traveling around, jumping on airplanes, and Vernon developed a near to perfect packing method - he travels with just a backpack, thanks god. Vernon doesn't love press tours, sometimes they are just insufferable. He doesn't love to have a run down when his week has been shit - trashed car or broken really. But otherwise, Vernon is cool with it, he laughs a little, he goofs with other pilots, he has friends - sometimes he goes out with Lee Chan the Haas pilot. Sometimes he cracks jokes with Mingyu and Wonwoo - the Red Bull duo. So sometimes press is actually fun, and even tho Vernon is an accomplished guy in his field pole and race win on his name he also still has idols on the paddocks because he is against names like Choi Seungcheol and Hong Joshua.
So Vernon enjoys his life really, he isn't one to overthinking about what choosing this type of life made him lose. He gained so much that it would be unfair to do that, to wonder what it could be.
But when Vernon feels like his team is not even hearing his complaint about how the aerodynamics of the car is fucked up Vernon wants to just crash the car and scream in the box. What the fuck? Fix the gooddamn wing for fuck's sake. 
But Vernon doesn't scream in the middle of the box, it wouldn't be good for the press, and Vernon is calm he is chill, but he isn't dumb. He does this when the engineering team, himself, and Choi Minho, his team principal, are in a more private area.
"What the hell? I've been complaining about the front wing since the Australia GP."
"We have been working on the wing." The engineering girl slash prodigy answers.
"And why the fuck is not working properly? This car will fly out of the track if a single drop of rain falls." Vernon continues because he is the one putting his life on the line really. Why no one is giving a fuck about what he has been saying.
"We are trying, you know about regulations we cant-" You try to say as if everybody doesn't remember that FIA is actually the worst ever and it is your job to care about regulations too.
"Oh my fucking God. I gonna crash this car in the first fucking lap I am not even kidding." Vernon says pacing around the table, he hates the whole can't do won't do FIA-related frustration. 
"Ok, Vernon you know we can't really do anything about it right now," Minho says arms crossed. "So stop bitching about it, and no you will not crash my car in the first lap you are not stupid." And now Vernon knows he can't really crash his car but he feels the urge to do it nonetheless, Minho can scrap his bank account he doesn't care, he can go fucking penny less but he will have his front wing fixed up.
 "You," Minho says pointing at you and you are actually relieved, you can take the screams of the team principal - even tho Minho is not near screaming, but taking shit from the pilot? Not gonna happen "For fuck sake take his complaint and actually do something about it for the next GP, you have like 5 people that could have been working for NASA in the team if he complains again about this mothefucker wing again I gonna have a stroke," he says leaving the room.
"Why do you guys only act when I bring Choi Minho to the room?" Vernon asks feeling dumb and to be honest disrespected. He knows he is young, he knows he is new, but he was brought to the team for a reason.
"Not that it matters," You say already picking the things around the table, probably from a previous meeting. "But he is my boss, not you Vernon."
"I am the one inside the car," Vernon says trying to attain some kind of respect or authority.
"Ok, that's not relevant to me whatsoever. I work designing a car that if we put a dog behind the wheel is gonna be fast so-" You say because you are tired this front wing nightmare has been going on for more than the australia grand prix actually, it's always the same problem, again and again, your team fixes it but it always comes back to life like a zombie or something.
"Did you just say that I am not relevant? Are you kidding me?" Vernon actually scoffs because of course he knew when he arrived in Mercedes that the team is bigger than him, he knew what all the critics said, but being treated that poorly by a co-worker? Fucked up man.
"That's not what I meant-"
"Yeah yeah yeah like Im just a dumb kid on the wheel, that's what you meant. I really thought we could build a nice relationship and all-" Vernon cuts you already opening up his overall because it is hot as fuck, like one step away from dying hot. "I guess the civil war thing going on wasn't in my plans but if you guys on the engineering want that I have no problem whatsoever in being a fucking dick."
Vernon says almost dashing to his trailer, fucking stupid overalls dangling around his waist because if one of the journalists asks him something about his wing or his time or how Kim Mingyu got the pole, Choi Minho is not the only one who will have a stroke. Health care plans and his life insurance will skyrocket.
After Vernon takes a shower, he realizes how dumb and idiotic he is. This happens a lot. Vernon doesn't really know how to deal with his rage, so when the anger dissipates, he just ends up regretting everything. 
Regretting is not even close to the proper word. When Vernon analyzes the chances of him fucking up his entire year because you simply do not rage war on your engineering team - that was like a rule, not a rule scratch that, it was a dogma. A rule you can break, if you try that shit on a dogma, you will root in hell. The hell being Vernon's worst nightmare - having the team ask him to pull aside to the other driver because he can't keep up, the reason? His shitty ass front wing.
But when the actual race comes and Vernon starts the race in third and finishes up in 5th place, he doesn't know who will drop dead first, him or Choi Minho. 
"Do we need a meeting between grand prix to fix this hellhole you guys have been calling a car?" His boss asks and Vernon can see you just rolling your eyes. Dude, that's crazy. Did you just roll your eyes to Choi Minho? That was insane. 
And Vernon coped the only way he knew - developing a wealth obsession fueled by hatred, all because you didn't give him his wing and a roll of your eyes at Choi Minho.
Before that, Vernon really didn't have a problem with you. Since he moved to Mercedes everything was great! Great team! New and more powerful car! Great teammate - Lee Jihoon, who actually took Vernon under his wing. The pre-season was great, and he didn't have problems with you whenever you two had to talk about the development stage of the car. 
Actually, Vernon finds you interesting really, that's not a lot of women in F1, and the majority of the women actually deal with public relations or team management like Kwon Boa. He always saw you around, really, always in jeans, tennis, and a Mercedes shirt. Sometimes with glasses, sometimes with a cap on. Always chatting with someone, sometimes writing things down on a notebook, sometimes explaining something. 
He didn't actually have any problems with you. He didn't have a reason, but now? Now Vernon can't really back off, can he? God, he was not a fighter and neither a hater, but he wasn't a coward either. 
So when his one-week break is cut short and people send him to Northamptonshire Vernon is angry because really: 1st he could use a few days off, 2nd between the Emilia-Romagna and the Monaco GP he had booked a crazy Airbnb in Cannes.
Now he was stuck in this hell hole of a place, in a way too cold meeting room, with like the whole engineering team and his boss. Not ideal. So Vernon's mind just wonders really, he thinks about how he needs to catch up on his favorite TV show, maybe he can check on his family later, or call his friend Boo Seungkwan - maybe he would call Seungkwan to Monaco is bouge enough for Seungkwan.
“And that's why we try to fix the front wing, but it seems like the aerodynamic problem is always back. Lee Seokmin actually did design another front wing at the start of the pre-season but you guys said that this one had a better grip” You finish the whole ppt-presentation, sometimes you hated your job so much, and by sometimes you meant the whole ppt presentation of a problem that we can`t actually fix because of regulations and because you guys main driver didn't do proper feedback in the first place. And now you have a problem in your hands, that to begin with, it wasn't even yours. 
“So the best thing we can do is?” Choi Minho asks and you laugh because right now you are not the one treating Vernon like a damn child on the wheel, it is Choi Minho, but Vernon is too engrossed in his own mind to notice or he feigns ignorance because it is Choi Minho who is talking, not you the mere translator girl for the engineering team. 
“We can try always the wet tire even if it's just light, and we can always use the soft tire at the beginning of the race it is the less durable but if he is in a good position to start with we can always call him back-”
“So, we did this three-hour meeting” Vernon actually checked his watch. It was a tree hour meeting for god`s sake. “for the resolution being soft tire and pray for a good pit stop? Are we crazy?”
“If you heard about FIA rules we cannot-” You try to speak but really, you don't even know why you start when you know you gonna be ignored by the man in the room and it’s F1 there is always a man in the room, always.
“Ok ok,” Vernon interrupts. “Just so you know that’s crazy, everything about this wing situation is crazy, we are just handling the championship, we are not even close to being - I don't know? 5th fucking place.” 
“We need to make the legal team re-analyze the rules,” Minho says contemplative and not really angry, and to be honest you wouldn't be either because it is true, but Vernon could be less bitch about it because it is not your fault either
“Just that? Ok,” Vernon says and he gets up because when Minho talks about the legal team it`s gonna take 4 to 6 days to actually find a loophole in the damn manual, but hey ok, it's fine, Vernon it’s chill, but not chill enough because the next moment his mouth is moving. “Maybe you could ask for the engineering team to work on that too I don't know just a thought” 
And you laugh, loud and clear. And Vernon is truly spooked. What the heck? Are you going crazy? Has the excruciating work and the insane hours with the weekly jetlag made you crazy? 
“Yeah Minho,” you say, picking up the papers. Why do you always pick up? Are they top-secret papers? Vernon never thought about corporate espionage, but it may be a thing. “Maybe you can ask your drivers for proper feedback when I ask them about grip and wings and start making them say whole sentences, not it's bad and a sad emoji. If we did send a form about this shit we wouldn't have this problem,” You actually leave them room, but Minho and Vernon continue listening to your voice down the hall. “Oh Vernon, how it’s going with the car. Make them say 4 whole sentences and not it's chill. Maybe that would help” and then you scream. “Just a thought."
“I mean” Choi Minho starts getting up too. “Nothing against a rivalry in the workplace, dang in my times, it was worse. But if I get an actual complaint - Humans Resources or Legal Team involved - I am so firing both of you, and I am not even caring about labor law or whatever.” 
And Vernon thinks it's weird how he was the first one to get up and the last one out of the meeting room.
So when Vernon actually arrives in Monaco - Boo Seungkwan, his best friend since birth, on his side, the civil war in his team is still going on at full speed. The tire strategy is still in place. Choi Minho still looks at him every five minutes like a babysitter. You still give a side eye every time you both share a room, Vernon is even more aware that you roll your eyes at everyone. Are you just discontent with everything?
But he doesn't think so when he sees you and Jeonghan, the team strategy, and Jun, one of the mechanics, laughing while eating lunch. Vernon is puzzled really why the fuck is he, Choi Minho, and the whole team getting side eyes and Jeonghan and Jun receiving beautiful smiles and even laughs? That's weird, more than weird, that's unfair really.
"What's going on in your head?" Boo Seungkwan asks, actually stealing a bite of Vernon chicken's breast. 
"Just, you know the whole war in the team. That's the girl that is actually making my life hell." Vernon says voice low like he is telling Seungkwan a secret, trying to be discreet. 
"That one?" Seungkwan asks loud and not caring about the top secret war going on, apparently. "Oh, Vernon, she is pretty."
"And?" Vernon thinks puzzled because really he never stopped to think about it. "Ok, ok, stop looking," Vernon says when he sees Jeonghan looking back at his table, grabbing Seungkwan and almost getting up and turning Seungkwan`s head himself. God.
"You didn't tell me she was pretty." Seungkwan acts like it was the most important thing ever. Missing the point, really, because the most important thing ever in this whole ordeal was Vernon's career and the probability of it ending abruptly. 
"Yeah, because it is not important, I mean…" Vernon trails off because again, he never stopped really, but thinking about you are pretty. Or at least not recently. Vernon thinks back when you two met in the pre-season and he may have blushed once or twice talking to you in the first days, but he wouldn't call it a crush.
"Hey Vernon," Jeonghan says, stopping at his side. "We will go over the strategy at 3 pm for the first free practice, so if you need anything, just give us a heads up before."
"Oh, sure man, actually I was thinking about the ty-" Vernon starts.
"Bye guys, if I hear one more driver talking about how they don’t want to start with a soft tire today, I'm gonna jump the nearest cliff." You say, lacing arms with Jun and just dragging him.
"Oh, she is feisty today," Jeonghan laughs. "Okay, anyway, you can bring everything to the team, right? I need to actually get some information with her so-" 
"Sure, sure man, no big." 
“Yeah," Boo Seungkwan just laughs, and laughs, he actually almost falls backward type of laughing “When was the last time you got laid?"
"Hm?" Out of nowhere? What the heck was going on in his friend’s mind? But Vernon actually needs time to think about it, fuck, when was the last time? Vernon didn’t even remember with whom. "I don't know a few weeks?"
"Months right?" Seungkwan answered in a heartbeat, chewing on a long French fries.
"Maybe dude, you know it is hard when I am always on the go." And it was hard, Vernon wasn’t lying. He didn’t enjoy the whole no-string attached really, and after he got a little famous - in a very niche type of famous he knew that, he was no rockstar type of guy, but still, he enjoyed it even less.
"Yeah didn't peg you for doing in the workplace kind of guy, always talking about how it is precious and nothing can disturb the paddock’s energy,” Seungkwan says making Vernon almost choke on his food.
“First, that is the rule that applies when you want to bring your boyfriend Kwon Soonyoung because last time he almost broke my trophy,” Vernon can actually feel the chill going through his body just remembering the scene that his traumatized brain conjures up, it was his first grand prix win and Seungkwan boyfriend almost knocked it down. “second we are not doing anything. We are actually enemies” 
“Oh,” Seungkwan stops, truly stops, dropping his fork and knife, and he stares at Vernon, but Vernon knows it is not a stare, Seungkwan is analyzing Vernon like he always did. “Well, that's even worse, because when it happens - see not if, I said when it's going to be a nuclear bomb, thanks good I am not going to Spain with you and me and my lovely boyfriend will be having a few days off in Monaco so…” 
The problem was that Seungkwan was always annoyingly right. Seungkwan was right when he said Vernon's last relationship wouldn't last more than 3 months. Seungkwan was also right about Vernon's first love and second. Seungkwan had this superpower really, Seungkwan was always there to see the picture better before Vernon did.
But Vernon always just shrugged and went to his next task, now free practice. And Vernon did slightly better than he thought - 4th place. So he wasn't actually totally dejected after the press asked him about the probability of rain. Everything was fine until Vernon saw the little orange cat hiding in the corner of the Mercedes trailer.
Vernon squatted and tried to call the little kitten really, it was tiny and made Vernon's heart break a little because when the cat was approaching him Vernon saw how he was limping, front paw looking hurt. Also, the little dude looked muddy. He may hate Vernon for it, but he needed a good wash.
"Hey," You say looking at Vernon who just started stroking the orange cat fur. "I was just-" You point at the water container.
"Ah yeah," Vernon says, giving you a nod. "I was thinking of finding something so this little guy can eat but-"
"We don't know anything around, same." You say squatting on Vernon's side and putting the container on the ground, little dude giving you both a meow.
"Could we-" Vernon starts but you just cut him.
"Make a trainee do the hard work? Make them go to the nearest supermarket, " you say, laughing a little, like you laugh with others. And Vernon thinks that maybe your brain is too fast, two-step forwards already, ahead of everyone, always.
"Yeah, I was thinking about asking someone or even the Grand Prix organizers to even get a vet around. I think something is wrong with his paw." Vernon points at the cat, and he stops for a minute thinking about how he is so used to being in the paddock but not really knowing his way around it. He strokes the cat again, almost feeling the urge to pick him up and go around asking if anyone knows a vet.
"You shouldn't be touching him." You say and Vernon feels a little offended. Did you enjoy telling him what to do? Vernon could take it, he didn't like it, but when it was about the race he could take it, but about a cat? Really? "Like, for health reasons." 
"Yeah, I was thinking about taking him to the trailer, but if he has fleas, that would be a nightmare," Vernon says hand still scratching the little cat like the rebel he was. 
"Can you-" You trail off, looking around, and Vernon can almost see your brain working inside your skull.
"What?"
"Look, we have like two options.” You say getting up and fixing your pants. And Vernon thinks that Seungkwan was actually right shit, you are actually and objectively pretty. “You can be an asshole and make someone do the job just because you are throwing a i am a star fit"
"Or?"
"You could totally do your I am a heartthrob bit on the communication team newbie, she kinda has a crush on you, so she would totally find Seb a vet place. Just don't let Minghao know.” Vernon just feels like a lot of what you just said goes over his head because it really doesn’t make sense to him, Heartthrob what? Crush who? Seb? 
"Are we calling him Seb?"
"I mean he just gives me Sebastian Vettel energy all around you know, he is kind of shy and orange," you say trying not to sound dumb, feeling a little anxious - because Vernon always made you feel this way, an uneasy feeling paired with his low voice.
"Yeah, I can see that” and Vernon smiles, dude the cat really looks like Sebastian. God - in that exact moment Vernon knows that his life is fucked up, he is picking a stray cat when the next 3 weeks he will be jumping from airplane to airplane. But look at him, Vernon can't leave Seb in a freaking paddock, in the end of the week everything will be gone.
"So? Which one? I'm pretty sure we can try just telling Minho you went rogue as the third option but…"
"The heartthrob one just-" Vernon can feel his forehead itch and the beginning of a headache. He can't do a heartthrob bit. What is he talking about? "Just show me the way."
"I need your keys," you say to Vernon, hand open in his direction "First we need a box and a towel. We can't let little Seb on the loose."
"He is a little difficult, though. Pretty sure he won't stay in the box," Vernon tells you already giving you his key.
"I think I can steal a few eggs for him on the way. If they are boiled, it won't be a problem. He seems hungry enough."
And Vernon actually plays with Seb until you arrive, a box filled with Vernon's towel - probably the one he used this morning, and a plastic plate full of eggs. And then you are already dragging Vernon around to the second task - the heartthrob bit. And Vernon thinks about how quick on your feet you are - figuratively, and literally, you walk really fast. Later, you tell him that is a job thing, not a you thing. Apparently to be an F1 engineer you need to think fast, walk quickly, and solve everyone's problems.
Vernon did the heartthrob bit - it actually ended up with the newbie taking Seb to the vet, you gave her a to-do list (1 - check his paw, 2 - check for fleas, 3 - don't forget the shots!!!) and Vernon's credit card. But Vernon still with a weird taste in his mouth. How did you know the newbie had a crush on him? That's totally weird.
But hey the trainee actually found a vet, and she brings Seb back with shots and a bath. And now Vernon is staring at his cat, thinking about how if he needs to call the hotel to check about the animal policy, maybe he could do the heartthrob bit to the hotel manager. Or he could leave Seb unattended, he could eat something, chew his race boot, or - then Vernon hears a knock, which is weird of course because Vernon doesn't actually receive visits in the motor home, people know that Vernon is sensitive about that - no fans, no press, no knocking when he is in the motorhome.
"Hi," you say as soon as Vernon opens his door, "just came to see the little guy."
"Oh, yeah sure," of course it was you, the only person who doesn't actually care about Vernon’s word and maybe well-being, but Vernon kind of understands, Seb is cute, "he looks tired tho."
"It's okay, I just came to give him some love." You say one digit going between Seb’s ear, squatting on the floor, letting Seb chill in his place, "Are you going to the hotel?" 
"I don't know,” Vernon scratches his kneck because it is true, he doesn’t actually have any idea what he is about to do, maybe he can take his race boots and everything essential so Seb doesn't chew on it, "I need to go but I can’t leave him alone but also I can’t sleep on the couch, it will fuck up my neck and also can’t just not sleep."
"You can go, I can sleep here on the bed, not a problem." You say sitting on the floor, Seb little groggy but wake, you pick him up and put him on your lap, and he just purr. What the hell? His cat is purring? For another person? What?
"I can’t let you do that,” he can’t because his cat is already in love and because he also knows that his motorhome bed is just uncomfortable. 
"Don’t worry, we are just-" you say finally looking at Vernon’s eyes, "co-parenting" You say and Vernon feels like a bomb just dropped, and the whole humanity just vanished, he can hear a pin drop.
"Co-pareting? A cat?" Vernon says like his brain is not really functioning.
"Yeah Vernon,” You start, and Vernon can see a small smile across your face, “people have different family arrangements. You, me, and Seb, divorced people with a kid, it's okay." 
"Divorced?" Vernon actually lets out a laugh, a scoff really. Why are you trying to mess with him ? This is not even close to normal.
"Yeah we are not on great terms but we sacrifice for him."
Vernon leaves - not because you said he could, not because you found a solution, but because it was the right thing to do for his performance really. Vernon leaves because his neck is a prized possession, and because he needs to sleep , he needs his best reaction time. And Vernon is an athlete. People may say that driving a car is not a sport, but people don’t know how much the g-force makes his neck almost break. But when Vernon lays in bed with his special pillow, Vernon can’t actually sleep. His mind goes back to his motorhome, to his just-for-stretching bed, and never actually sleeps. His mind, Vernon finds out, is going back to you sleeping in that awful bad, to the way you treat the little cat like it can break, and the way that every time your hand goes against the cat's fur Venon can actually feel the love.
Vernon is so fucked.
He starts to think that Seungkwan is actually right.
And Vernon can't actually sleep because you are tormenting his mind and Seungkwan's voice telling him 'I told you so' echoes in his mind.
Even tho not getting the eight-hour sleep Vernon gets what his system needs to be quick on his reactions -  Wonwoo and Seungcheol actually crash in front of him, debris over his head and Vernon has control enough to just not crash in the crash in the narrows streets of Monaco. Nightmare, really. Vernon finishes in third because of it, and even tho he is in the podium, he can't actually feel happy about it.
Maybe that's really why Vernon can't have his car with a fucked up wing because it can mean life and death. Later that day he makes sure to go check with both drivers - halo is ugly as fuck but saves lives.
Vernon is thankful that he doesn't have time to actually think about life and death because you are shoving him into a funny bag and telling him to put Seb inside and telling him that you actually are about to sit next to him. So Vernon ends up with a cat bag on his lap, Seb strangely chills about everything, your hand going inside the bag just to stroke his fur.
He ends up sleeping the flight, which is only about 1h40 minutes, but Vernon feels like he needed that nap.
The perception of time in the world of F1 is really truly bizarre. Vernon is always running, always thinking about how he can go faster, even when he is doing the press talk. Minghao walks faster, and explains everything for Vernon in 3 sentences, if it is a sponsor or if it is a journalist, if he needs to actually talk about the car, or if it is a 'content' bit. 
But when Vernon is going around the paddock and see you leaning against Jeonghan smile bright and full Vernon actually stops on his track, it is late, and everything is figured out in the paddock why the hell are you and Jeonghan laughing about?
"Come on, Vern," Minghao calls him, making his neck turn. "Come on, we have three more, and if I don't arrive in time for my dinner with Mika, she is going to kill me."
So Vernon lets Minghao drag him across the paddock. But his mind is still on the scene, you leaning and smiling against Jeonghan, and Vernon doesn't want to, but he feels jealous. He wants to be Jeonghan so fucking bad.
Vernon really doesn't have much time to think about it, he needs to sleep, watch his water intake, and think about his neck - his neck is his most important body part as a f1 driver, and he did think his neck was feeling a little funny. But every time Vernon sits and has time to himself, his brain conjures the image of you and Jeonghan in his eyelid.
Vernon doesn't think it was because of his neck or because his sleep was extremely shitty but the next day, his car crashes against a brick wall. Not great. Not ideal. Not fun either. So Vernon does what he needs to do. Even if he feels fine and got out of the car on his own, he needs his trip to the hospital. Turns out a few hours later, the medical team is sure that Vernon is not dying, but he may have a concussion.
When Vernon is back in his motor home to pick Seb back to the hotel (this time he actually made sure it was okay with the hotel's policy) he founds you lying on his useless motor home bed.
"Hey," you say getting up the bed "are you okay?"
"Yeah yeah," Vernon drops his bag on the floor and sits down by your side. "Just a concussion."
"Okay," you say, looking at Vernon, like actually looking at him searching for something. "I was scared it wasn't a pretty scene, Vernon."
"I know, but I'm okay," but Vernon is so so tired, he is okay and he feels okay but he feels the urge to just lie in this horrible bed and just stay in it, he doesn’t even care about his neck really - he can call for physiotherapy or something. 
"Still, the whole team was worried, you don’t need to act like it wasn’t scary,” you say and Vernon just feels so heavy, like his whole body is made of bricks, even tho he is ok with it, he is used to it really, but the crash still takes a tool on his body "and you should have gone directly to the hotel"
"I was just picking Seb up," Vernon just lies on that horrible bed and it doesn’t really seem that bad, or he is just so tired that even lying on the floor seems like a good option now. His mind is tired too - Vernon can’t even think.
"You didn't need to do that. You could've ringed me up, you know, co-parenting,” you say, voice small, and Vernon's hazed mind almost doesn’t catch it.
"Yeah," Vernon scoffs. Really, he didn’t even think about texting you,  "I don't think I have your number"
"Oh shit," You say picking up Vernon's phone and putting it in front of his face to unlock his phone, "ok gonna save my number you need to send me Seb pics I don't think you should bring him up, we have a week off you are probably going back to England right? You should hire someone to go see him daily or-" 
Vernon just feels the urge to actually kiss you. You are just there, cat on your lap, thinking about how Vernon shouldn't bring Seb around anymore, you are so so worried about his health and if he is getting stressed, and you go on about how Vernon just needs to let him rest in his place in England even tho it would be super hard for you because you are getting used to distress, every work day you pop up in Vernon motor home to say hi to the cat - and to Vernon, it all feels like a freaking lullaby, he actually nestles himself in the bed, searching for the better position to just sleeps. 
"See," you say to Vernon when you see how dozed off he is "you never pay attention." 
"I am paying attention," Vernon answers, eyes still shut but not actually sleeping. 
"You are not. You are zoomed out," You say, lying on his side, legs dangling out of the bed.  "What were you thinking?"
"Nothing really," Vernon says because he is not really thinking about anything concrete really, his brain is all over the place.
"Vern," you actually whine, "I thought we were becoming friends parenting the same kid"
"We are becoming friends" Vernon laughs because that is weird right? “I have your phone now we are definitely friends”
"See? So tell me, what's on your mind lately?" You try again, but Vernon just hums."You seem actually stressed lately. Is Minho bothering you? I  know the results are not great, but i promise we are trying" 
"I know, I know, don't worry about that." And Vernon feels actually bad because it is the first time he can feel that you are a little guilty, no scratch that, tired? Vernon can’t really catch the feeling, but he knows that you care. 
“I am not worried about that, I care about the results but you crashed today, the med team said you may have a concussion, and I don’t know if you are just zooming out in an ok way or zooming out in a concussion-induced way.” 
“It’s not the concussion the hospital let me go, it is just, I’m just tired” Vernon feels your hand on his hair, petting him, almost like you do with Seb, and Vernon just let himself sleep feeling the affection in the way your fingers travel in his skull. 
The thing is, even when Vernon is in his house in England he doesn't really feel at home, because it is a company provided apartment, and to be fair Vernon didn't put a lot of effort in it. So in his week off Vernon tries to focus on his physical training, on his neck, on his diet, on sleeping, but every time his phone vibrates Vernon just feels giddy and excited because 80% of the time it is just you reacting to Seb's pics Vernon sent.
Vernon tries not to think about how fast you answer his messages or how sometimes you send audio snips, and Vernon doesn't feel angry - he always hated audio message god. Vernon also hated calls but one night he actually video calls you and you are already in bed but you said you wanted to say goodnight to Seb but you and Vernon spends more than an hour chatting about nothing and everything. 
When the time comes, Vernon ponders; leaving Seb behind or actually flying with the cat. So he just calls Boo Seungkwan to babysit Sebastian - the hours of flight and the jetlag would just make him stressed, even tho Vernon thinks he is the worst person ever adopting a cat to just let him stay in an empty apartment even tho Seungkwan will make sure he is eating, and Vernon actually begged 3 times to Seungkwan check Seb's litter box.
To everyone's surprise, Vernon actually gets a pole position. To be honest, even to Vernon and his team it was a surprise, too. But it was a good one. You congratulated him, and that night, you and Vernon called Seungkwan and spent like 45 minutes talking to a cat and cooing together - like parents on a holiday.
Vernon thinks it's kinda weird really - how you two fell into this dynamic of sharing a pet, and in a way, you two turned into friends too. So when Vernon is ready to get out to his car you are the last one to greet him, and Vernon is not really superstitious but he thinks he will make sure that this turns into a new team ritual.
When Vernon crosses the finish line, he feels it - the feeling that Vernon always chased in a way. When he hears the screams and laughs on his radio, he feels he can actually let go and just enjoy. He did. He won a grand prix again.
And when Vernon is showered with champagne, hears his national anthem, and jumps to the crowd he thinks about you. He tries to find you really but Minghao just directs him to the press area.
“Hey,” you say, popping your head in the door crack after knocking on his door. “Heard you were looking for me.”
“Yeah yeah.” And Vernon feels sticky. His whole body is covered in champagne. He is looking like a mess, but god, he is so so happy. “Didn’t see you in the celebration.” 
“I was around. Saw everything, don't worry" You move and close the door acting like you guys didn't accomplish the best thing in the whole world because that's how Vernon feels like he is on top of the world. 
“No no-” Vernon's smile is so big, and he touches your arms, and he actually stops, and he looks at you. “We did! We actually did it!” 
“You did it" you say almost shoving him, but Vernon's hands don't leave your arms - hot and sticky against your skin, "don't need to be humble it was a great race on your side-”
“No no no listen, we both did it. We did it together. We are sharing this," Vernon says - smile still big across his face, he is so sweaty why do you think that seeing Vernon happy is the best thing ever? “Come on, say it”
“We did it” You say smiling, not even because you are happy with his win - you are, you are happy for the team, and you are happy for Vernon, but Vernon is so happy and in a way is so infectious you just can not smile like him.
“We sure did,” and Vernon hugs you, head dropping on your shoulder, “god-”
“What?"
“You smell nice," Vernon says voice muffled.
“Thank you, you smell like really nice champagne," you say with a laugh, god Vernon is so happy, and there is only one thing that would make him happier -
"And-” He tries to master his courage to say, “and I wish I could kiss you.”
When Vernon kisses you, he almost feels the breeze, almost feeling the physical sensations that involve flying, because, in his head, he is already 10 thousand feet high. He feels so out of it that Vernon just let you take what you want for him. God, you want so much. 
Vernon can feel it. He feels in the way your fingers hold his jaw. He feels in the way your mouth goes together, like two pieces made to fit each other. He feels in the way that you react when his hands hold your hips so tightly, whimpering in his mouth.
Vernon is not one to complain about speed, but when his whole world is spinning and everything is going so fucking fast he wishes he could stop the time, make it go backward, make it go slower. 
His whole life, he fought against the clock. If he was two seconds faster if he didn't waste milliseconds in the second curve. Vernon was always running, but now, fuck Vernon wishes he could go slow.
So Vernon chooses to take his time, not hurry. He kisses you slowly. The way that he trails his lips against your jaw is slow, and the way that his hands travel to your ribcage is slow.
"Vernon," you try to call his attention, to make him hurry, to make him speed up, but the only thing that Vernon gives you is a non-committal noise.
And Vernon thinks you are in a fucking trailer, with a not-great bed, and he has one better - bigger and with his trusted neck pillow but everything just shatters when someone knocks on his door.
And when Vernon opens the door and sees Minghao he thinks two things: Minghao is his worst enemy really, Minghao must hate him. The second one? Vernon asks himself how many wins he needs in his career to do a contract clause saying he is never doing press again, if someone asks him to do an interview or youtube content he is allowed to change teams before the end of his contract.
Vernon goes back to everything needs to move fast behavior. You two jump on a plane, and again, Vernon has his week off - while you need to go to Austria to check everything related to the engineering team. So when Vernon arrives and Seb purrs against his leg, he films it and sends it to you. When Vernon is chilling on his bed and Seb acts like Vernon's body is his personal pillow, he films it and sends it to you. When you say you are crying because you miss the cat, Vernon calls you and says you can knock on his door anytime. 
When Vernon arrives in the paddock the first thing he does is ask Jun where you were - meeting room, you had a meeting with Jeonghan and Minho, but when Vernon knocks on the door you are alone.
"You really did it." It's the first thing you say to Vernon.
"Yeah" He shrugs. "it was a promise."
"It looks good on you," you say, sitting in front of him at the table, hand touching Vernon’s hair, feeling the urge to ruffle it. 
"So, like, my last meal was airplane food, so I was thinking about taking you to dinner," Vernon says, and you just think how it is unfair that even tho he is not conscious of it, he is doing the heartthrob thing, the lazy eyes, the small smile, the unkept hair - now blonde.
"Hm-" you try your best to not just throw your papers and forget you have an actual job just because Vernon smiled at you, "I don't know if I am free, actually Minho was talking about going over the strategy with you so-"
"Yeah? Ok, I can call him and say the airplane gave me a headache so," Vernon picks his phone up and starts typing something, "I don't know Austrian food that well but we can always go to an Italian."
"Italian, I prefer Italian," you say, chin resting on your hand and just admiring Vernon. You are pretty sure if you were a cartoon, they would draw you with heart eyes.
"Nice."
You let Vernon wine and dine you. The restaurant was nice, and it was even nicer that you and Vernon sat side by side in low light, and you can just rest your head on his shoulder because you were truly tired and because every time you did that you could actually sniff Vernon a bit, and he smells so so good. 
You guys just chat about everything, and at some point, Vernon actually unlocks his phone and just lets you browse his gallery (90% of it is Seb's pics or videos, and the other 10% were the pics you sent him about your day - a coffee, a building, anything silly that made you smile), and looking at it made your heart melt.
In a silent agreement, you just hop in Vernon's Uber and end up on his hotel bed, with Vernon on top of you. 
Vernon kisses you slowly like he has all the time in the world - and you are weak enough for him, so you don't complain, you don't hurry him. To be honest you don't want him to hurry either, you are enjoying the way Vernon is nested between your legs, the way you can feel his weight on your body, and the way that his hands feel against your neck.
The way Vernon touches you makes you feel treasured, makes your heart full, and makes you want to make him feel the same way, and you try your best.
You try when your hands travel to his biceps, squeezing it the way his hands tighten against your hips. You try when your hand goes through his hair when he kisses your neck. You try when Vernon's hands travel under your shirt and you kiss his cheeks because it's the only place you reach.
Vernon doesn't think, and he doesn't try. He just does, and he accepts what you give him.
When Vernon outright grinds on you and you whimper, Vernon accepts it. When your hands claw at his shirt, he accepts, and when he gets off, you take his shirt off and see you doing the same. Vernon thinks that maybe you gonna give him more than he can take.
You don't rush him, you let Vernon watch you, but you feel rushed, so you get up as well, mouth. chasing Vernon's while you take off your bra. 
The way Vernon holds you makes your mind spin. The way his firm body feels against yours, and how his hands feel against your back. And even though you try, Vernon still kisses you slowly.
Vernon holds you when he makes you lie on the bed, "baby lemme just-" he says, giving your hips a small kiss, and opening the button of your pants, when he takes your pants off you can feel his digits traveling against your leg and you are sure he can feel the goosebumps on your skin.
Vernon's fingers close against your ankle, and Vernon brings it against his mouth, "Vern " you try to call him, and you feel dumb enough that you just beg. And Vernon kisses you again, one hand on your chest and the other grabbing your hips.
And you think you can take slow when Vernon is on top of you, legs tangled, his lips now on your neck. Every time your hips move together Vernon hums against your skin and you wish he was naked already. But when Vernon's lips find your chest you can't really complain because you feel so lost, he takes one of your nipples in your mouth, and he gives attention to the other one too, taking your nipple between two fingers and toying with it
When Vernon releases your breast with a pop you remember to call him, "Vern please"
"What?" He says hands toying with your panty line, digits hot against your hips.
"Your pants," you say, feeling your mouth dry, body buzzing.
"Oh right," Vernon says and you already feel remorseful when Vernon detaches his body from yours. 
You try to reach Vernon with your hands, palms against his skin, on his chest, on his abs, on his thighs. Everywhere - trying to placate the lack of the feeling of his body against yours. 
When Vernon finishes getting his pants off he holds your head, hand against your nape and jaw and he kisses you, and you feel a little better thinking he suffered like you did in those milliseconds that your bodies have been apart from each other.
And Vernon did, and when he stops to look at you, to really look, tracing his thumb against your mouth and you open just enough for your tongue to lap at his digit Vernon thinks he is going crazy. 
God, you are just so pretty on his bed, hair messy, trails of his kiss against your skin. Vernon knows he is so fucking lucky, and if he could he would stop the time, he would treasure every second - he would go so fucking slow he would make the clock go backward. You, however, don't really care, you just touch Vernon, hand under his underwear giving his dick a few pumps while Vernon's hands leave an imprint on your ribcages.
Vernon helps you a little, one hand on your hips and another one lowering his underwear, his dick finally free. When Vernon looks down, he can see how red his skin is - a blush coloring his chest, he can also see how your thumb just goes smoothly against his cockhead and Vernon thinks he might go insane.
"Do you need to-" Vernon asks while trying to return the feeling, hand going to your clothed pussy, pressing against it and making you whimper.
"No, no, I am ok," You say, almost in a way to make Vernon hurry up, "You can just fuck me."
"Yeah yeah ok," Vernon says, and you can feel the way his dicks enters you while Vernon's tongue lick his lips.
Vernon fucks you slowly, body pressed against yours, one of his hands holding your head - almost pressing you against his, his lips never leaving your cheek. And it is almost excruciating - the way Vernon fucks you, so slowly and yet so fucking good.
You try to tell him in the way your hands hold his neck, the way you feel his shoulder blades under your hands, the way you want to touch the expanses of his back. 
It's good, and you could live like that - in Vernon's warm embrace. But you are feeling desperate enough so you just beg, "Vern, faster", and not a second late Vernon is fucking you harder. He picks himself up, knees on the bed, holding your legs on the side of his waist. And god he hits you so deep, you just need a little more.
"Fuck you are so hot," Vernon says almost there when he sees your hand toying with your clit.
"I am so close," You say to him and you can feel how his hands tighten against your thighs, how he picks up his pace, how he fucks you harder.
And then it washes over you, and it hits Vernon - because of the way he continues to fuck you after it, but then you can feel his body against yours, his mouth chasing yours, and you just laugh between kisses because yeah, Vernon is a lazy kisser, that just how he is, but goddamn you love it.
In that weekend Vernon makes a ritual of kissing you, he kisses you every time he can really, but he makes a point of stealing a kiss before the free practice - in his motorhome. He does it again before the race, he ends up in second place. He kisses you again when you jump at him saying that he is the best - and he wants to argue because he just ended in second place, but it's you so he just takes it.
When Vernon is showered, clean, and not sticky from champagne he sees you sleeping in his horrible motorhome bed, and he just can't let you - you guys have a flight to catch.
"Hey, come on let's go home, Seb is missing you," Vernon says trying to wake you up.
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spatteringstars · 1 month ago
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I had a thought (Absolute Essay below sorry yall)
purely because of happenstance timing of watching OSP's detail diatribes about the first phase of the MCU and Captain America and the winter soldier respectively and watching Thunderbolts all within like, a week and a half of each other, I had the thought that people are more onto something than they think they are when they say "The MCU is sooo back" in response to what Thunderbolts did. I'm not going to get into anything nitty gritty about the movie because that takes time to sit down and rewatch the movie while taking notes because no way in FUCK am I picking up on more complex theming on the first watch through when the only characters I really recognize are Yelena and Alexei.
Anyways my point- As stated and explained wonderfully by Red & Blue over at Overly Sarcastic Productions (you should go watch those two most recent videos they're great) the whole appeal of the first phase of the MCU was like- these people and heroes work well independently. They can kick ass and be great independently and then they get together and they are still good and great and working together to kick evil ass. They are connected both in story and as characters in a way that we as an audience can find extremely compelling.
It falls into the pit trap of like, ugh edginess no way all of these highly competent individuals could get along so easily, so like yeah, these people are really disagreeable with each other at first but they're also all incredibly traumatized in a way that makes it difficult for them to seek out human connection so I can forgive that. And in a way I feel like it makes the crux of my ultimate point in this more compelling. Because somehow THE WRITERS MANAGED TO BRING IT BACK!!! The parts we loved about the first phase where these characters felt like they could be independent and rich on their own but become even more so when you see their reflections in each other and how they choose to interact. We loose a little bit of that sense of superhero-ness because god forbid corporate let us embrace our comic book origins lest we remember this shit used to be for geeks, but we've finally come back a little bit to what the Avengers was supposed to be about. These misfits (because lets face it even the first group of avengers were freaks. you have to be a weirdo to actually become a superhero... Tony) come together and find comraderie and strength and family in each other. Not to power of friendship literally everything but like.... its the fucking power of friendship I don't know what you want from me. And personally, I think the power of friendship is beautiful.
I think it even does a pretty decent job on the front of connecting its villains into the context of the world the story is existing in. Valentina feels like the kind of asshole who would get pulled up in this political climate post Hydra sabotaging the world to get to project insight, she feel like the kind of person who would fall for that same trap that Fury did of "Prevention of Disaster is more important than the ethics of freedom and choice that I allegelly subscribe to as a resident and representative of the United States" but fell for it harder, thus creating Sentry, after the disaster of the Blip. That could just be my wishful thinking since Thunderbolts is the only thing I've ever seen her in, but as far as villains go I feel like she makes sense even if she's a bit uuuuuhh..... morally inconsistent (?) I guess is a way I could phrase it. Whereas shit like Thanos was entertaining and was integrated into the lore of the MCU but felt a bit out of place in the context of the themes of previous movies and I'm not even touching whatever the fuck is going on w the multiverse nonsense.
Thunderbolts cared about its characters being together. It made a point to be like "literally any separation of this team trying to deal with a problem this big will fail. You all need the unique influences and skills that everyone on this team has to offer in order to actually fix what Valentina has done (and thank GOD they're solving someone else's problem instead of their own for once *cough cough* ultron *cough cough* civil war. again OSP has much more realized thoughts on this) so get in your fucking get along shirt and learn to love each other like a family" AND I LOVE THE WRITERS FOR THAT SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR GETTING THESE DYSFUNCTIONAL FUCKS TO LOVE EACH OTHER BOB MEANS SO MUCH TO ME
And like- obviously the movie has flaws even in this context. I can see the whole "rivalry with the *other* avengers team" going really wrong and completely trampling over everything that I (and OSP I cannot tell you how much more you will get my point if you watch their phase one detail diatribe) love about what they did with Thunderbolts. I think Ghost could have been better developed in the movie or in Ant-Man and The Wasp but I understand they had to prioritize getting us on board with Bob first. They could've done a better job expanding on the themes of mental illness in the movie and I would have loved to see it better integrated with chracters previous appearances (although again I haven't watched *all* of the new shit so I could be missing something and maybe it is better integrated, but I shouldn't have to do that much fucking homework to watch a movie but thats a separate issue I'm talking about THEMES HERE). But overall, I feel like this group of writers at least looked at what made the first phase of the MCU so good and tried to learn from it and put it into their script for Thunderbolts. And that trying, especially with all of the surrounding bullshit they have to peripherially deal with, is so valuable to me. If they keep what this movie has going, we might actually "be so back" with the MCU for a whlie until the mouse machine ruins it again.
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skyfallscotland · 6 months ago
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Niche thing to be frustrated by, but I have one of the most common names in the (western) world. Given name and surname.
It's never bothered me before because well, I value anonymity and internet safety etc is important, but now that I'm considering writing original fiction it's become an issue because what the fuck is going to be my pen name if I get to publishing? How do people choose a pen name?
There are already multiple authors with my full name which, fine, whatever. But I tried my mother's maiden name (also common), my name with a middle initial, a similar given name with both of those surnames, and so far no luck. They're all taken. So like....??? Am I supposed to just come up with the most outlandish thing ever? I feel like freaking Emma Stone over here. I don't want something I'll regret or hate later. I have enough of a hard time naming characters let alone myself—I don't know how parents do it 😭
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missarchive · 5 months ago
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Heyyy, I’m not sure if you’re taking requests atm but I LOVED your ‘bed chem’ book I feel like there are NOT enough elle x fem!readers out there and especially not enough dom reader ones so I loved it sm! I was wondering if you could do another one similarly maybe a soft top fem!reader and elle possibly set just after elle leaves the bau; reader says she still loves her and would never blame her for it and confessions ensue etc… the girls get their freaks onnn!! Our girl elle deserved all the love in the world I miss her! Ily thank you 🙏 (ps if u hate this idea honestly any top reader bottom elle fics would be so splendidly superb😭)
cw; 18+ MDNI!! slight angst, fluff, top fem!reader, bottom!elle, wingwoman emily makes an appearance, fingering, oral, resolved feelings, open ending
an; I wasn’t sure if you wanted a pre-established relationship or not so I just kinda ran with your idea a bit! I hope you enjoy reading <3 thank you for the request, I miss Elle so bad you guys.
wc; 2k
As the morning progressed, you couldn’t help but notice the stares you got from the surrounding agents. You chose to ignore them, knowing it would only lead to questioning about Elle. Besides, you knew you wouldn’t have the answers they were so desperately searching for, anyway.
Finally having had enough of the forlorn looks sent your way, you pushed your chair back with a shrill screech and excused yourself from your desk, dumping the files down on the nearest table and heading straight for the doors.
You make it no more than twenty metres before Emily is pulling you aside and into the empty breakroom. You tug your arm from her grip harshly and huff a little, “can I help you?” you raise an eyebrow.
She smirks and brushes you off, “how about you help yourself, first. I haven’t seen you stewing like this since… well, ever,” she laughs, straightening her lapels and leaning against the counter.
“And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean,” you shoot her a quick glare, having a feeling you already know where this conversation is headed.
Emily sighs, bowing her head briefly before her eyes soften, looking back up at you, “we’re only trying to help… none of us like seeing you this way.”
A scoff leaves your lips before you can stop it, the tiled pattern on the floor suddenly seeming far more interesting. You avert your eyes from her all-knowing gaze, picking at your nail beds, “I just wish she would’ve told me… that’s all,” you sigh, “you know, maybe… maybe I could’ve helped. I-I could’ve done something.”
Your bottom lip quivers, betraying the facade you’d worked so hard to keep up. “I thought maybe I-,” you shake your head, cutting yourself off as you raise a hand to frustratedly wipe at the tears pricking your eyes, “I thought I meant more to her than that…” you whisper, so quietly you're unsure if Emily even heard you.
“Don’t do that,” she frowns, her voice soft, kind. More than you deserve right now, you’re sure, “you know what you meant to her, what you mean to her…” she looks away briefly, choosing her next words carefully, “have you tried calling her?”
You let out a sad laugh, “and say what? ‘I miss you, I love you?’”
Emily looks at you as if you’d grown two heads, “uh, yeah. That’s exactly what you’re supposed to say, am I missing something here?”
“I wish it was that simple, Em,” you straighten your bag strap against your shoulder, “I’m not exactly sure this is the best time for me to spill my guts to her… she’s been through a lot.”
“That’s exactly why you should ‘spill your guts’, she needs to know that someone out there is in her corner,” Emily takes a cautious step forward, as if afraid to poke the bear. Once she’s sure you won't react, she places a hand on your shoulder and rubs her thumb in soothing circles.
You frown slightly, “but- she knows we support her, right?”
“It’s different coming from someone you love,” Emily smiles, patting your shoulder before moving past you and out the door, pausing under the frame, “I really think you should call her.”
You stand there, frozen. Emily’s words replay in your mind. “Someone you love.” She couldn’t have meant you… could she? Was she implying that Elle loved you? Your feet have never carried you to your car so fast, slamming the door behind you before rummaging around your purse for your cell.
Dialling Elle’s number, you wait in a painful silence. The call goes straight to voicemail, unusual. She’s usually very attentive to her phone. She must’ve been in a call already, you think to yourself. You’ll just call her again in a couple of minutes.
Voicemail, again. By the fourth attempt at calling her, you know something’s up. She would’ve answered by now, would’ve sent you a text detailing why she couldn’t pick up. She would’ve called you back, and rushed an apology.
You can't wait any longer, you follow the familiar route to her apartment. A drive you’d taken almost every night since you’d met her. Whether it be dropping her home from work, or getting drunk on the cheapest bottle of wine you could find, you were always in proximity to Elle.
The distance was unfamiliar, the silence was even worse.
Pulling up to her complex, you rush up the stairs. Your hand reaches out in hesitation, would she want to see you? It’s quickly overshadowed by your own need to see her.
You bang on her door rapidly. “Elle, I know you’re home,” you sigh, resting a closed fist against the door.
Waiting no more than a few moments at her front door step, the door swings open. There she was. A permanent frown etched into her once carefree face. Dark circles you know aren’t recent either. She moves aside, gesturing for you to come inside.
Once you set your coat down and take a seat next to her on the edge of her couch, it seems as if your own frown now mirrors hers. “What happened?”
She looks up at you, lips parted ever-so-slightly, chapped from dehydration. “I couldn't be there anymore… I’m losing so much of myself, I couldn’t… I couldn’t watch that happen to everyone else as well.”
You shake your head, pulling her hand into your lap, “I meant what happened with us. Why didn’t you tell me, Elle?”
Her eyes dart away from yours, hands growing clammy. “I knew you’d be upset.”
“Upset?” you chase her gaze, “Elle I’m only upset for you, not because of you.”
The silence seems to grow between you, each person scared to disrupt the quiet.
You shuffle slightly closer to her on the couch, reaching out to brush a stray curl away from her face. “I love you, Elle. You’ll always have me, even when you have nothing.”
Her expression softens, her eyes darting between your own as if trying to read you, unsure of what she heard, “you love me?” she repeats back to you, her throat going dry.
You nod, exhaling into a smile, “I love you, Elle. And I’d never blame you for what you did,” the curve of her cheek rests in your palm, a perfect fit, “I’m on your side. I understand you.”
Her bottom lip pulls in, quivering for just a moment while she looks over your face.
Then, she pulls you into a gentle kiss. Her lips soft against yours, her breathing coming out in quick heaves. You push yourself closer to her, wanting to be as close as possible. As soon as you sense her leg brush up against yours, you waste no time. Your hands go to her knees, slowly sliding up the soft material of her leggings and under the hem of her tank top.
Your fingertips trace over the curves of her ribs, gently pressing against her taut skin as she pushes herself into your touch. Your hands work their way down her body, resting on the swell of her hips. The fabric of her underwear tickles the pads of your fingers and you can't help but let out a small breath when you feel the slickness of her arousal already. You feel a blush cover your cheeks at the thought of her wet for you. Your eyes widen and you swallow hard, doing your best to hold in the groan that’s threatening to escape.
Moving your hand further, you push your fingers between her legs, slowly spreading her open with your thumb.
“Y/n,” she breathes your name. It feels like a prayer and your ego soars. “I need to feel you,” her voice begging.
You shift yourself so you’re hovering over Elle, your knees at either side of her hips as you pull her panties off of her and slide them into the pocket of your pants. You smirk a little to yourself, she’s not getting them back until you’re both fully sated. Your hands move up her body again and you pull her top over her head.
Elle reaches for your shirt but you pull back from her grasp as you pull it off of your own body.
“I want to worship your body,” you whisper as you bend your head to her breasts, pulling her nipple into your mouth and swirling your tongue around it slowly. Her breath comes out in a soft gasp and you can feel her hands fisting your hair. She pulls at the strands slightly, but she’s not pushing or pulling you away from her. You let her nipple pop out of your mouth as you trail kisses over her chest and across her shoulders.
“You taste so good,” you breathe the words against her lips. You kiss her jaw, her neck, her chest. Your lips move slowly over her, paying attention to all the spots that make her squirm beneath you.
You let your hand glide down over her torso and spread her legs wider, letting your fingers trail from her knee up to her inner things. You rub your hands up and down, feeling the heat coming from between her legs. Pushing yourself off her reluctantly, you position your body further down, allowing your head to rest between her thighs. You slowly open her up before dipping your head down to her core. You slowly lick your way up her center, flicking your tongue over her clit before pressing it flat against her and pushing the tip into her wet cunt.
She lets out a soft moan as she arches her back. You look up at her, watching as her chest rises and falls with each laboured breath.
“Fuck,” she breathes. Her hands fist the material of the couch beneath her. “Y/n, I’m close.” Her words come out in a gasp.
You pick up your pace, alternating between flicking and sucking on her clit. She gasps, “oh god, y/n,” and you can tell she’s close. You increase your pace as you add two fingers to her opening, pumping in and out of her slowly. She whimpers softly, her moans coming out in quick bursts as her legs tremble beneath her.
You look up to her face and she looks down at you, a haze of lust covering her eyes. You can tell she's right on the edge. You move your fingers inside her, finding that spot you know will make her cum the hardest. You curl your fingers and press them against it, rubbing softly as you flick your tongue against her clit.
“Fuck! Fuck, I love you… I love you,” Elle whimpers. Her body shakes as her orgasm overtakes her, her arms falling limply from the couch. She’s still cumming when you pull your fingers out of her, and she whimpers at the loss of contact.
You slowly make your way up her body, kissing her again as you move over her. You smile softly as her hand comes up to rest on your cheek, stroking the skin with her thumb.
“You’re so perfect,” you murmur softly, pressing your lips into her hand.
Letting your lips trail over her palm and up her wrist, you make a mental note of the blissed out look on her face. Lips curled up at the edges, her brows softened, the frown from before long gone.
“I meant what I said,” you rest your head on her chest, tilting your head to look up at her.
“Hm?” her fingers work their way into your hair, rubbing at the scalp gently.
“I’m not upset with you for leaving. I’m on your side, I always will be,” your eyes dart over her face, looking for any sign that could tell you what she’s thinking.
“And I meant what I said,” she breathes out.
“What’s that?”
“I love you.”
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shawtythatluvsurgut · 9 months ago
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hey guys. i got back from seeing my dad (i was gone all of september doing that) and realized that im $150 short on rent for this month. i lost around 50 subs from that one month i took away and i totally understand and am not mad at anyone for unsubbing, but it’s put me in a pickle for paying my rent in november. by a pickle, i mean that im $150 short. it’s embarrassing to admit this, but i miscalculated when i bought my tickets to stay longer and thought id have enough for my upcoming rent. technically i should have had enough, but losing that many subs really put a dent in my finances. i’m kinda stressing right now so if anyone can send anything id appreciate the help so so much. i will also send personalized content as a thank you. you can also help by subscribing to my OF (im back to posting somewhat regularly) so that we both benefit.
i’m sorry that the disneyland plan didn’t work out. i was looking forward to eating good, way too expensive food, but my dad’s health took a turn. that’s why i made the last minute decision to cancel disney and extend my trip in north cal. i couldn’t get a refund because disney is full of cash cows, so im kinda screwed right now. i’m glad i recalculated before the first of november hit because i can at least try to see if anyone can help.
also, i have video ideas coming to my OF. right now i want to keep my weight somewhat consistent or maybe gain slowly because i, too, have been having some minor health issues (not due to gaining, but gaining isn’t helping right now). I AM NOT LOSING WEIGHT OR PLANNING TO. I am just going to go easy on how fast i gain. i have a stuffing video planned for this month, along with my usual pictures semi-daily.
i just needed to be upfront and let everyone know what is going on with me. my dad is dying, i’m in school and i hate it, school has been taking up a LOT of my free time, i didn’t calculate my money correctly, and i got my meds switched. i feel like a zombie lately. and i may have lost a friendship/relationship that was very dear to my heart in the midst of this stress.
if i had other options, i would choose those first. but, unfortunately, i don’t. i don’t mean to sound like a bum asking y’all to help me financially or sub to my OF or whatever, but im kinda freaking out a little. so if anyone can help, even just an OF subscription, i would GREATLY appreciate it. even if it’s just for this month.
i feel so pathetic right now begging for help online, but hopefully my upfront honesty will relate to someone. sometimes saving is hard and i’m a blonde so ya know i can’t do math and idk im embarrassed. if anyone wants to buy a custom please message me on here or on OF if you’re subscribed. i’ll be putting in the work to try to bring y’all back and keep y’all satisfied. that’s a big priority for me and im sorry again to anyone who subbed to watch me eat at disneyland. i didn’t want to cancel that, but my dad was officially diagnosed with congestive heart failure on the day before i was supposed to fly down to LA and i couldn’t leave him. he’s put in the work to earn his spot back in my life and i couldn’t leave him the day he got that news. i love him and my mom despite any hardships and the last thing i could do was ditch him. i hope me being real helps you guys understand why i didn’t deliver on the disneyland content.
i understand if you are upset and you have every right to be! but i figured maybe being honest about what im going through could maybe help some of y’all build back trust with me. i feel very awkward and uncomfortable sharing such intimate information, but i think it’s what’s fair to all of you. thank you to all who have stuck around <3 and thank you to any/all who subscribe and/or send me money to help me out.
sending so much love to you all, as this has been a hard year for more people than just myself. the world needs a bit of honesty and transparency, and you all deserve that, so that’s what i’m going to give. <3
- Nico
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ae-azile · 6 days ago
Text
As Long as I Can Travel this World with You: Chapter 14 Preview
When Style walks into the office, he hears several different voices - along with Fadel’s - and they are all speaking in Turkish. How is he supposed to talk with them in a language he only knows some phrases in? Maybe that's why he freezes just a few steps into the room. He needs to stay calm so he can remember the phrases he does know.
 Hello.
My name is Style.
Nice to meet you!
Where are you from? 
Great day we’re having.
Is it raining? 
Where is the bathroom? 
I am in a relationship. 
The coat is green.
Back off, sir! 
What time is it? 
Where is the train station? 
I need help!
I need to study.
What time is breakfast/lunch/dinner?
I want to rent one room with a king sized bed. 
Please. 
Thank you. 
Fuck
Shit 
Pussy 
Ass
Dick
Bitch
Plus all of the major colors, points of direction, and some phrases about studying and working. Then, there are some culturally specific phrases, ones so shocking, vulgar, and offensive that Style had to learn them. But he can't say “I’ll fuck your mother and wife” or “Shit on your glasses so you will see the world as a shit place” or “I’ll tear your ass.” He wouldn't even say those phrases to Fadel to shock him, and he loves shocking Fadel! He’ll just stick with “The coat is green” and hope for the best-
“Style.” 
Style sucks in a gulp of air and sees Fadel turned in his seat. He looks so fucking hopeful it makes Style’s chest ache. 
“Sorry,” Style says in a hushed voice, taking a few steps closer, “I came home at 4, but I had paint on me and wanted to shower, then started freaking out about what to wear until Pa picked this for me-” 
“Why were you freaking out about what to wear?” Fadel asks, tilting his head with confusion, “You look good. Come here.” 
“Is that Style?” 
“Did he come home?” 
“We want to see him!” 
Suddenly, they are speaking in Thai. Perfect Thai, nonetheless, or at least that's what he hears from the people who are currently talking. Apparently, they want him to know that they want to see him in frame if they are code-switching for his benefit. Maybe he doesn't need to pull his phone out and translate everything they say or to translate what he wants to say in return. He's so stupid, now that he's thinking of it. Fadel’s grandmother is half Thai and grew up living in both Thailand and Turkey before choosing to attend college in Istanbul and marrying Fadel’s grandfather. Melis pretty much lives in Bangkok and her sisters visit a lot, as does their mother. But what if Fadel’s grandfather doesn't speak Thai well, despite doing business here? He doesn't want him to feel left out. 
“Come on,” Fadel says, getting up to pull Style over, “Why are you acting shy? I told them how outgoing you are.” 
Because he is meeting his boyfriend's very rich and influential family? Because he grew up relatively modestly and even though he is doing very well for himself now, his wealth doesn't touch what these people have. Why is Fadel judging him for being nervous when Fadel himself was just toying with the idea of cutting contact with all of them to avoid heavy emotions? That was just six hours ago! 
Regardless, he doesn't say that. At all. Fadel’s family doesn't need to know about Fadel’s sudden and impulsive urge to sabotage his own happiness as well as theirs. It is an urge that has clearly passed. Style knows that by how happy he looks. He looks so fucking happy. Young, even. Like part of his inner child healed and woke up from a long slumber. 
Keep it together. 
“That’s my babaanne,” Fadel tells him, pointing at the first square on the screen before moving on to the next one, “That’s my dede. That’s Aunt Selin. And that's Elif, that’s Melis, and that’s Lara. Everyone, this is Style.” 
They're all fucking gorgeous. Even his grandparents. And Style knew this, he knew it back when he first looked them up. But it's ridiculous how attractive this family is. Style supposes it makes sense. Look at Fadel. On top of that, Fadel’s mother was very pretty too. Of course his entire family looks like this. But just as he is about to say hello to them all, they express their own opinions about his looks out loud.
“Oh, Fadel! He's so handsome!” Selin coos. 
“He is HOT and I rarely say that about guys!” Melis says, “Elif, he's so much hotter than your ex-fiancé.” 
“Can you quit finding ways to bring him up?” 
“Kemal, look at our grandson-in-law!”
“Hello,” Style says, bowing his head slightly, “It's nice to meet you.” 
He does make a point of saying it in Turkish. Maybe it's to impress them, or maybe it's to meet them partway. But he does say the words well enough because Fadel looks at him with pleasant surprise and Leyla lets out a happy sound as she grins brightly. 
“You know Turkish?!” 
Style quickly shakes his head, “I taught myself some words and phrases.” 
“I told him that I would tutor him if he stopped working so late,” Fadel tells them, causing Style to turn in his seat. 
“I have been so timely this last week!” Style says, “So prompt that it's out of character! Incredibly present emotionally and physically. I got here at 3:59, Fadel! What time did I say I would be home? 4 pm! That takes talent, especially when you take traffic into account!” 
“Fadel told us you customize and build cars. That you have designed one of a kind orders as well as racing vehicles,” Selin says, “That takes a lot of talent and skill!” 
Style nods and feels his leg bouncing, “I was doing mechanic work for a long time. I still do. But a few years back, I started getting opportunities to do what I went to school for and business has been good.” 
Why is he so nervous right now? They're being nice. 
“I have a friend really into cars,” Melis says, “Collecting them and stuff. We got Fadel to give us your Instagram and TikTok, both your business and personal. We all followed you! Did you follow us back yet?” 
Style pulls out his phone and sees no notifications, only to realize they are likely still off from the Macau trip. When he clicks on Instagram, the number of notifications he has is ridiculous. There are dozens of recent ones, most from Fadel’s family.
“I turned my notifications off a couple of weeks ago and completely forgot to turn them back on,” Style says, then looks at Fadel, “Your fault, by the way! You told me I couldn't be glued to my phone.” 
“Because you have problems saying no and overbooking yourself when it comes to business inquiries, and then you would have been stressed the whole time we were in Macau,” Fadel says. 
“My friend actually follows your business accounts already! I'm PISSED. It feels like we could have found Fadel a long time ago. I was scrolling through your photos and admiring your work, and there my cousin is on a Gondola with the love of his life serenading him. And it went super viral too! How did I not see it? My algorithm shows me all of GayTok!” 
“You failed us, Melis,” Lara says, “We could have found him a couple of weeks ago.” 
“How do I get on GayTok?” Leyla asks, “I want to see more videos of my beloved grandson and his partner.”
As Style lets out a shocked laugh, Fadel groans. 
“We are not the face of GayTok,” Fadel says. 
“Not with that attitude,” Kemal says, “You have to put yourself forward, my boy. With ambition, drive, and persistence, anything is possible. You just have to strive for it enough. If you want to be the face of GayTok, we will support you.”
As Style forces himself to lean out of frame to giggle uncontrollably, Fadel lightly pushes him. 
“This is your fault,” Fadel tells him. 
“Lara, you help me, okay?” Leyla says, her phone in her hand, “I want to be on GayTok so I never miss a video of my talented grandson ever again.” 
“I just sat on a gondola,” Fadel says in bewilderment. 
“But you did it so well,” Selin says, “And Style has a wonderful voice! You should sing together next time! Style, does Fadel still have a good voice? He sang when he was younger.” 
Style wipes at his eyes and forces himself to pull it together, “He does. He only shows it off when we sing karaoke with friends, but he's better than any of us, although Bison is good when he tries. But it's only Ben who can give him a run for his money-” 
“Ben!” Melis says excitedly, clapping her hands together. 
“Lara!” Leyla prompts, sounding slightly more urgent as she holds her phone in her hands, “How do I make my For You page exclusively GayTok? I don't want anything else. Only that.” 
“Anneanne, you can literally just follow his account,” Lara says. 
“He doesn't HAVE an account,” Melis says, something akin to accusation in her tone, “The restaurant does, but he has someone else manage the social media for it. They do a good job, but he isn't featured on it much unless they are sticking a camera in his face while he is cooking. I'll get you on GayTok, Anneanne. Give me an hour with your phone and you will be a permanent resident.” 
“Anneanne, do not give Melis your phone,” Elif says, “She may be on GayTok, but she is also on Surreal Tok, Provocative Performance Art Tok, Creepy Animation Tok, Analog Horror Tok-” 
“And it makes me have the best For You page in the family,” Melis says, “Style, you have to get Fadel to make a personal social media. Okay? He's so lame for not having ANYTHING.”
Style shrugs and glances at Fadel, “He’s pretty private.” 
Elif pouts at that, “You can set your profile to private and just let us and your close friends follow you.” 
“Let's not pressure him,” Kemal says, “I don't love the social media stuff either. I barely get on it. Fadel just takes after me.” 
“No, he takes after ME!” Leyla says, as if it is a competition, “We both love to cook! 
As the conversation moves forward, Style finally loosens up. It's not as nervewracking as he thought it would be. They are very friendly and enthusiastic to hear anything he has to say, and Style takes his own advice by trying to match their energy. Although, that is somewhat exhausting. They are all clearly excited and running on high emotions. 
“When we fly in, I will probably be tired,” Leyla says, “But I will have the best chefs at The Demiral cook us a wonderful meal. All you can eat! Do you have any dietary restrictions, Style?” 
Style gives Fadel a pointed look before shaking his head, “Fadel will get on me about red and processed meats because of studies connecting it to cancer-” 
“You have cancer?” Kemal says, his voice grave.
“No,” Style says quickly, “Which is why Fadel expanding the menu at his restaurant solely to cater to needs I don't have is ridiculous-”
“His mother passed at 40 from cancer and he likes to remind me it's genetic before claiming he will die before me approximately every three days,” Fadel says, “It actually made the restaurant more popular, so it's fine.” 
“It was unnecessary,” Style reiterates. 
But Leyla just waves her hands, “We will go pescatarian. Kemal and I mainly stick to a Mediterranean diet anyway. We will get there Sunday. So if your father, Bison, Kant, and anyone else you want to bring have no objections to that, then that is what we will have.” 
“Speaking of, I think they are here,” Fadel says as Style hears the main door open as well. 
“Kant and I are going to cook,” Style says, beginning to stand up, “Why don't I do that and see if Bison will come in here for a bit? You want that, Fadel?” 
Fadel looks at him hopefully and nods his head. He looks so young. Style reaches over, squeezes his hand, and looks back at the screen. 
“I'm really glad I got to meet you all,” Style says honestly, “I was more nervous than I expected to be, but you all seem like wonderful people. I'm looking forward to meeting you in person.” 
“On Sunday,” Selin says happily, her eyes looking slightly misty. 
“And we’ll play my videogame tomorrow,” Lara adds. 
“I read your rundown, and it sounds so incredibly cool,” Style says, “Slightly terrifying, but I am down for some nightmare and psychosis inducing bonding time. I'm sure the others will be too.” 
“Speaking of,” Fadel says, getting up from his seat to peek out the office door, “Babe? Ben? My cousin is a fan of yours. Can you come say hi?” 
“Yeah!” Style hears Ben say. 
“Style!” Melis squeals, “Did he just say what I think he said?! Are they THERE?!” 
Before Style can answer, Ben leads the way in and squats in front of the computer with a grin. 
“Which one of you is it?” Ben asks, getting an answer when Melis’s squeals re-emerge more loudly. Kemal and Leyla look concerned, Selin looks mildly exasperated, Elif looks unimpressed with her younger sister, but Lara looks mildly interested. Maybe she has binge watched some BenBabe series with Melis. 
“Babe!” Ben calls out, “Come here! Sorry. He was getting Perdita settled. Do you want to meet Perdita?”
“Of course!” Melis says. 
“Who is Perdita?” Kemal asks. 
Melis sighs, “She's their dog! Their child. She's really popular on social media.” 
“And she is friends with our grandson like you are?” Leyla asks, as if that's the deciding factor on whether they approve of a five month old puppy. 
“She loves Fadel,” Style says to reassure her, “She likes to sprawl out across his lap. She's a good dog.” 
Leyla nods, seeming satisfied by the answer, “We shall all follow her then. Melis, send us her socials.” 
But Melis is too busy squealing over Babe when he comes in and gets into frame. Style gives him his space and pats Perdita on the head before Ben picks her up. When he walks towards the doorway, Bison and Fadel are standing nearby. 
“How hard were they to impress?” Bison asks before glancing at Fadel, “He's a bit…I don't know. I have barely seen him like this. I'm not sure I can trust his judgement.” 
Style looks at Fadel too, who is still bright eyed and excited. He quickly kisses Fadel’s cheek, then turns back to Bison. 
“They're sweet people,” Style says honestly, “Supportive. And they're excited to meet the person Fadel calls his brother.” 
While Bison seems like he wasn't expecting a sentimental and sincere answer from him, that's what he's getting. In fact, Bison keeps sending Style surprised and incredulous looks, even as Fadel leads him into the office. 
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rosemaidenvixen · 8 months ago
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Between Daylight and Darkness
Chapter 8
<Previous Next>
Ao3
“So yeah that’s basically everything, you have any questions?”
Barbara sat in the driver’s seat, fingers locked around the steering wheel even though the keys were in her pocket. Staring out the windshield into the dark parking lot. Wondering exactly what choices she’d made in her life that had brought her here.
When she finally got back in contact with the kids after over an hour of radio silence they’d promised her a full explanation. Wanting both to hear that and reassure herself of their safety, Barbara had all but raced to the canal to pick them up. When she’d gotten there they requested that she stop at a parking lot so they could explain things in detail before she dropped them off at their homes.
She’d now been sitting in the back of the Walmart parking lot for well over an hour. Long enough for Mr. Scott to send a text querying when his daughter would be home.
She really shouldn’t leave him on Read for so long but honestly Barbara was still trying to put her brain back together.
“So…” she sucked in a deep breath and drummed her fingers on the wheel “You’re a troll…”
A single blue eye peered out of the trunk, peeking at her past the partially folded seat “Yep, that’s what I am alright,”
Barbara looked at him in the rearview mirror with her mouth pressed into a thin line. She still wasn’t thrilled about Jim riding in the car that way, but the fact remained that with all six of them there just weren’t enough seat belts to go around. And if they were in an accident Jim was the least likely to get hurt and the most likely to inadvertently hurt someone else. That and watching him tear his way out of the locked trunk of a junker last summer killed all her protests.
That was what her brain choosing to focus on instead of the many many very shocking things they’d all just told her. 
“So let me get this straight. Jim is a…troll. Another troll tried to…attack you…”
Another thing Barbara couldn’t let herself think about for too long without getting heart palpitations.
“Because that amulet you have belongs to the Troll…hunter, and you were saved by two other trolls that took you into an underground city full of trolls,”
“Yeah that’s what happened alright,” Mary mumbled.
Barbara didn’t say anything else, just kept straight ahead at the parking lot, brightly lit with streetlights, empty save for her car, two trucks, and a smart car. All of these ordinary things somehow existing in the same world as trolls and magic and underground cities and– oh what the hell, maybe unicorns to!?
She tightened her grip on the wheel and pulled in a deep breath through her nose, if she didn’t focus on her deep breathing she was going to scream.
God she wanted to call Rose right now.
Instead of voicing any of that she cleared her throat and only spoke when she was sure her voice would be even “So what exactly is this Troll-hunter, because if Jim and the…others are trolls does that mean Jim is supposed to…hunt them?”
“We’re not sure,” Claire spoke up from the back seat “When we showed them that Jim was human Blinky and the spiky troll started freaking out. So the old troll kinda chased us out the door. But he made us promise to come back tonight,”
“Ok,” Barbara let out a heavy breath, pinching the bridge of her nose to try and dispel the oncoming tension headache “Ok…”
“Mom?” Jim poked his head a little further out of the trunk “You ok?”
I’m the parent, you're the children, children who were nearly hunted down by an angry troll– Trolls, which are real apparently, I should be asking you that
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she turned back to face her passengers again “How are you all doing?”
Darci twidled her thumbs “Ok…ish,”
“Yeah okish pretty much sums it up,” Toby shifted in the passenger’s seat to face her “Really glad tall dark and spooky didn’t get us, but still kinda freaking out a bit inside. The whole learning about the secret society living right under our feet thing takes a bit to sink in,”
“We should get more answers tomorrow night,” Claire added.
Barbara pressed her lips together but said nothing. She didn’t like how the kids just assumed she’d let them all go back to the mysterious underground troll city.
Especially since right now she couldn’t come up with any good arguments to stop them.
“We can make plans for tomorrow night after we’ve all got some sleep,” Barbara pulled the keys out of her pocket and started the engine “Right now we need to get you kids home,”
They all either nodded or made sounds of assent at that.
“Remember guys,” Mary said loudly “Our cover story is we were hanging out at Jim’s place and lost track of time playing Go Go Sushi,”
“Got it,”
“Affirmative,”
“Understood,”
“Crystal clear,”
Barbara bit back a heavy groan as she pulled the car out of the parking lot and onto the street.
Trolls.
Secret Cities.
Cover stories.
Just what had her life become?
Focusing on turns and street signs was easier to think about. Darci’s house was closest and was the first one they stopped at. Less than ten seconds after Barbara’s car pulled to a stop at the curb the door swung open and Louis came striding out. 
Darci hopped out of the car and bounded up to him “Hi dad!”
“Hey there pumpkin,” he flashed her a wide smile “How was your evening?”
“Good, we really got sucked into Go Go Sushi,”
“Alright,” Louis turned his gaze towards Barbara, warmth sliding away into cool amiability “I take it you also lost track of time?”
Her throat tightened “Yes, sorry about that, I was busy and didn’t notice how long the kids were playing their videogames,”
Louis nodded “No worries, it happens,”
Barbara didn’t let out the breath she was holding until Louis and Darci were inside their house and she was already driving away. Dropping off Claire and Mary went similarly, with their parents mercifully skipping the third degree–
No, that wasn’t fair. It had been first or second degree at the worst. And it wasn't as though he wasn’t completely justified with his suspicions. If it had been her and Jim in that position Barbara knew she would have been even more skeptical and less polite.
Pulling into the end of their cul de sac, Toby hopped out and ran up to his house. Barbara watched and made sure he made it inside before pulling into their garage.
Barbara killed the engine the second they were inside, slumpling back in her seat and shutting her eyes, a shuttering sound in her ears as the garage door shuffled closed behind her.
“Mom?”
From the backseat she heard the soft slide of Jim folding down the seat, shuffling sounds as he crawled out of the trunk “Are you ok?”
The knee jerk response–
I’m fine hon
Rose up in the back of her throat, but Barbara bit it back before it could escape.
She shouldn’t unload all her stress and worries onto her teenage son, but she shouldn’t pretend everything was fine and dandy when they both knew it wasn’t either.
“I…I’m worried, this is all a lot to take in,”
“Oh yeah,” Jim let out a chuckle and a gusty exhale “I’m right there with you on that one,” 
Despite the situation Barbara felt a tiny smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. Finding it in her to push away from the seat and turn to face him.
“I don’t like the idea of you kids being in danger, or going back to a secret troll city by yourselves,”
She had to fight back an inappropriate laugh at the half stunned half affronted look on Jim’s face, could already hear the protest he was forming, and cut him off before it could leave his mouth. 
“Which is why I’ll be coming with you,”
Jim’s went blank, eyes going wide and mouth gaping op “Oh…I mean…are you sure you’re up for it?”
This time she did laugh, twisting back to playfully punch Jim in the shoulder “Kiddo there’s not a single thing you or any other troll in this city can do to stop me from looking after my son. And if that means going to an underground city, well hand me my pickaxe and headlamp,”
Jim huffed a laugh again “Ok but…it’s…it’s kind of a lot down there, so if you want to sit it out…”
“Not a chance, we’re in this together, and any troll that wants a piece of you is going to get a taste of my krav maga first,”
Jim chuckled at that, and Barbara smiled back.
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creamco · 4 months ago
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— finding out that you are gay ᝰ.ᐟ
figuring out you're queer isn't always this big, dramatic movie moment where everything suddenly makes sense. for a lot of people, it’s a slow burn: like a weird feeling in the back of your mind that won’t shut up. and honestly? it can be confusing as hell.
╭┉┈ the “i always knew” gays
so while some people go through years of questioning, denial, and accidental crushes on their best friends, there’s another category of queer people: the ones who just knew from day one. like, while the rest of us were out here struggling with compulsory heterosexuality, these people were out here at five years old like, yeah, i’d marry her. what about it?
early signs that were… not subtle at all
if you ask these people when they realized they were queer, you’ll usually get answers like:
- oh, i tried to kiss my best friend in kindergarten and didn’t get why everyone was freaking out.
- i refused to play ‘house’ unless i could be the dad so i could ‘marry’ the other girls.
- my science/art/english teacher was damn fine, they were my gay awakening
- i thought boys were fine, but i was genuinely baffled at how other girls were OBSESSED with them.
- i told my parents i was gonna marry a girl and they laughed, so i just assumed i was wrong. but i wasn’t.
- when we were playing truth or dare i had to fake having crushes on boys because my friends didn't accept a girl as an answer
- i mean.... there are girls why would boys be attractive (my gf's experience she had me add this)
for trans and nonbinary people, the signs are often even louder. some common ones:
- throwing full-on tantrums over being forced to wear gendered clothing.
- getting irrationally angry when people insisted they were a “boy” or “girl.”
- choosing gender-neutral or different-gender characters every single time in games.
- feeling actual joy when someone accidentally used different pronouns for them.
meanwhile, aros and aces were out here at six years old wondering why everyone cared so much about kissing in movies. like, what’s the hype? why are we clapping? is this supposed to be relatable??
when you “know,” but the world tells you you’re wrong
the thing is, even for the “i always knew” queers, society does not make it easy. you might have known, but that doesn’t mean you could say it out loud. a lot of these kids got shut down early— maybe their parents laughed it off, maybe they got teased, maybe they were just constantly told “you’ll understand when you’re older.”
so what happens? they start doubting themselves. maybe they wanted to date a girl, but everyone around them was obsessed with boys, so they figured, eh, i’ll try it. maybe they started copying what everyone else was doing because they thought their own feelings were wrong.
and for trans/nonbinary people? if they weren’t even given the language for their identity, they had to just sit there, confused as hell, waiting for someone to explain why being called “she” or “he” felt like a personal attack.
the relief of finally saying it out loud
but the moment these people do get the words? it’s game over. no more questioning, no more confusion— just a massive exhale because suddenly, everything makes sense. it’s like finding the missing piece of a puzzle you didn’t even know you were building.
╭┉┈ AM I GAY?????
i even... can't. lol
questioning phase: the “wait… am i gay?” era
so, questioning your identity is kind of like realizing you’ve been singing the wrong lyrics to a song your whole life. one day, something just clicks, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense— but also, what do you mean i’ve been wrong this whole time???
step 1: ignoring all the signs like a pro
if you’re queer, chances are you had at least a few red flags about your identity way before you admitted it. examples include:
- watching a movie and being way too invested in the same-gender character, but telling yourself it’s just because they have a cool jacket.
- realizing that being called “sir” or “ma’am” makes you want to crawl out of your skin, but assuming that’s just a you problem.
- thinking, wow, dating sounds exhausting, but i guess i’ll do it eventually because that’s what people do, while every alloromantic/allosexual person around you is already making wedding mood boards.
- randomly getting hit with gender envy but brushing it off like, “no, i just think they’re cool” (you think being them would be even cooler, but shhh, no thoughts, head empty).
the brain does an amazing job at pretending everything is fine. you could be literally falling apart, and it’ll still be like, “nah, we’re good.”
step 2: the ‘oh no’ moment
then, one day, something cracks. maybe you stumble across a random tiktok that explains compulsive heterosexuality or gender dysphoria, and suddenly your entire life flashes before your eyes. maybe you meet an openly queer person and realize they look happy (which is suprising). maybe you’re sitting there minding your own business, and your brain just goes, hey, what if you’re not actually "normal"? and then refuses to elaborate.
this part is weird because it’s both terrifying & freeing. on one hand, you now have to deal with the possibility that you are not, in fact, the person you thought you were. on the other hand… things start making sense. the weird feelings, the confusion, the discomfort— it all starts clicking into place.
step 3: denial (aka “nah, can’t be me”)
THE NILE IS A RIVER IN EGYPT, YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧
not everyone goes through this, but for a lot of people, the next step is denial. because let’s be real, realizing you’re queer means accepting that life just got at least 200% more complicated. so the brain tries to bargain:
- “maybe i’m just imagining it.”
- “i bet this is just a phase.”
- “i think i just really admire them.”
- “okay, fine, but i don’t have to label it, right?”
the funniest part is that most queer people go through this exact same cycle. the “maybe it’s just admiration” excuse is practically a rite of passage. trans people convince themselves they just have body image issues. aro/ace people assume they just haven’t met the “right” person. everyone clings to the straight/cis/allo label for dear life until they literally cannot anymore.
step 4: the reluctant acceptance (and eventual peace)
at some point, though, fighting it just gets exhausting. you start testing things out— maybe you change a label in your bio, maybe you try on a different name, maybe you just let yourself feel things without overanalyzing them. and, to your surprise, it feels… good? like, really good.
of course, this isn’t the end of the journey. there’s still a lot to unpack— internalized stuff, coming out (or not), figuring out what your identity actually looks like in real life. but the hardest part, the questioning, the doubt, the fear of even thinking about queerness, starts to fade.
and that’s when you realize: oh. this is who i am. and maybe, just maybe… that’s actually kind of cool.
so yeah, while some queer people take years to figure themselves out, others just always knew. but no matter how early or late it happens, the moment of realization is always the same: oh. that’s me.
and honestly?
that’s a pretty cool moment.
[pictures are from pinterest, sorry for being weird😔]
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reynasheart · 9 months ago
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i know the usual white feminist crowd wont even care to read this but i just have to share it somewhere bc i feel sick to my stomach.
today we went to uni wearing all black bc the government wouldn't declare a national mourning. i heard one of my friends asking another boy why wasn't he wearing black, he answered with "why, what happened?" ive lost all hope for this country and men in general.
one of my professors had a rent abt how homicides weren't special to our country and if we were to move abroad we'd become second-class citizens there. this is a man who lived in europe for multiple years and now is making his studies with the help of the government, making moneys we cant even dream of, telling us to basically get over it. why am i even surprised at this point, he's working with government, theyre giving him money for his researches, of course hes gonna help discard the news under the rug faster, the media block irl version.
another professor made even crazier comments, a misogyny speech, he said that he didnt even care abt the events bc the girls were the murd3r3r's ex gfs. he talked abt how it was women's fault that they were always choosing the abuser men, not even considering the abuser men in question as a problem. i couldnt believe my ears when he said he wouldnt even help a girl if he saw it happen. i feel worried abt the women in his life (he doesnt have a wife, ofc, thats why hes so salty at this age with a child) i tried so hard not to cry and scream during the lecture, having to listening to him in silence.
they're trying to feed us these propagandas even more than media, poisining our brains and gaslighting us to believe that world outside turkey is hell, even worse than here. the sad part is these are people who were supposed to be role models for students, but they're men after all.
i felt even more nauseous when one of my "friends" (apolitic, a new way to say you're pro-government and a freak) as a woman said that there were more homicides happening in belgium. i couldnt even look at her at this point, me and my other friends argued saying how the difference is that theres a law system there, as oppose to ours. she ignored us and kept trying to talk abt biochemistry. how can she not see that everything is political when you're a woman? how can she believe that she's privileged enough to not have a political opinion?
i've lost hope. im tired of walking home with my head low, looking at my shadow with a paranoia, knowing that someone could kill me for no reason at all and get away with it. please share the events anywhere you can, they're trying to silence us, to keep us in our houses with fear to go outside but we cant let them win. TURKISH WOMEN NEED HELP
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